The Girl Who Wrote Loneliness Read Online Free Page A
Author: Kyung-Sook Shin
Tags: Fiction, Literary, Coming of Age, Asian American
forest, and stars have settled down atop the trees, white and twinkling.
“They’re birds.”
In awe, I push my face closer to the book on my lap. Upon a closer look, what were twinkling upon their perch atop the trees in the night forest turned out not to be stars but egrets. The egrets had taken up their narrow perch here and there on the high branches of the forest, covered in dark, shining white.
“They’re sleeping. Aren’t they beautiful?”
I nod. Under the distant night sky, the white birds slept, gentle and benign, a beautiful blanket over the forest.
“I want to take pictures of birds, not people.”
Mystified, I gaze straight into Cousin’s face. While she tells me that she wants to photograph birds, her cheeks are flushed, as if they have been smothered with the fresh fragrance from the thickets or the soil and the leaves of the forest where the egrets are sleeping.
“When I start making money, the first thing I’m going to buy is a camera.”
The night train chugs on, carrying Cousin’s dream. I am no longer listening to Cousin’s whispers. Already I am promising my heart to the sleeping egrets, so gentle and benign, a beautiful blanket over the forest inthe dark, under the distant night sky. Some day, I shall go and see for myself those white birds up on the high branches. I shall go and see for myself their beauty and gentility, as they sleep with their faces toward the stars.
I cannot forget seeing the Daewoo Building that day, in the early morning hour. The tallest thing that I had even seen since I was born. At the time, I did not know that the building had a name: Daewoo. Following Mom out to the plaza outside Seoul Station at dawn, I run to catch up with Mom, who is walking a few steps ahead of me, and attach myself to her side. As if that were not enough, I search for Mom’s hand and grasp it hard.
“What is it?”
“It scares me.”
I feel as if the Daewoo Building, standing over there like a gargantuan beast, would stomp toward us and swallow Mom and Cousin and me. Cousin, nineteen years old, appears dignified even in the face of a gargantuan beast. Seeing that I am frightened, Mom tells me it is nothing.
“It’s nothing, I tell you. Nothing but steel frames.”
Despite what Mom may have said, I, having taken my first step into the city at sixteen, glare in fear at the gargantuan and beastly Daewoo Building in the dawning light; at the iridescent lights that have already come on; at the cars speeding toward some destination at this early hour.
Oldest Brother still has no room of his own after all this time. That is why we have to come on the night train, because the only place for us to sleep in Seoul is an inn, which we cannot afford. Oldest Brother may not have a room, but he had skin so white. His nails are clean and his white shirt is radiant. Eyes, nose, and mouth, chiseled in shape, are positioned neatly on his long face of fair complexion. He works at the sanitation bureau of the Community Service Center by day and studies law at a night college, but one would never guess unless he brought it up. His appearance suggests that he knows nothing about the hardships of the world, exuding the air of a youngman who had spent his childhood in a home that is materially affluent. This young man is now treating his younger sister, his cousin, and his mother, who have arrived in Seoul on the night train, to some warm bean sprout soup across the street from the community center. His quarters are the night duty room at the center. Ever since he started working at the service center, the center’s staff no longer serves night duty. There is no need because Older Brother sleeps there every night. Soon he will take Cousin and me to the Job Training Center. Today is the first day of our training.
“It will be hard work.”
Oldest Brother speaks as if befallen by a hardship larger than the hard future that awaits us.
“But after you finish your training there and get a job at the
“They’re birds.”
In awe, I push my face closer to the book on my lap. Upon a closer look, what were twinkling upon their perch atop the trees in the night forest turned out not to be stars but egrets. The egrets had taken up their narrow perch here and there on the high branches of the forest, covered in dark, shining white.
“They’re sleeping. Aren’t they beautiful?”
I nod. Under the distant night sky, the white birds slept, gentle and benign, a beautiful blanket over the forest.
“I want to take pictures of birds, not people.”
Mystified, I gaze straight into Cousin’s face. While she tells me that she wants to photograph birds, her cheeks are flushed, as if they have been smothered with the fresh fragrance from the thickets or the soil and the leaves of the forest where the egrets are sleeping.
“When I start making money, the first thing I’m going to buy is a camera.”
The night train chugs on, carrying Cousin’s dream. I am no longer listening to Cousin’s whispers. Already I am promising my heart to the sleeping egrets, so gentle and benign, a beautiful blanket over the forest inthe dark, under the distant night sky. Some day, I shall go and see for myself those white birds up on the high branches. I shall go and see for myself their beauty and gentility, as they sleep with their faces toward the stars.
I cannot forget seeing the Daewoo Building that day, in the early morning hour. The tallest thing that I had even seen since I was born. At the time, I did not know that the building had a name: Daewoo. Following Mom out to the plaza outside Seoul Station at dawn, I run to catch up with Mom, who is walking a few steps ahead of me, and attach myself to her side. As if that were not enough, I search for Mom’s hand and grasp it hard.
“What is it?”
“It scares me.”
I feel as if the Daewoo Building, standing over there like a gargantuan beast, would stomp toward us and swallow Mom and Cousin and me. Cousin, nineteen years old, appears dignified even in the face of a gargantuan beast. Seeing that I am frightened, Mom tells me it is nothing.
“It’s nothing, I tell you. Nothing but steel frames.”
Despite what Mom may have said, I, having taken my first step into the city at sixteen, glare in fear at the gargantuan and beastly Daewoo Building in the dawning light; at the iridescent lights that have already come on; at the cars speeding toward some destination at this early hour.
Oldest Brother still has no room of his own after all this time. That is why we have to come on the night train, because the only place for us to sleep in Seoul is an inn, which we cannot afford. Oldest Brother may not have a room, but he had skin so white. His nails are clean and his white shirt is radiant. Eyes, nose, and mouth, chiseled in shape, are positioned neatly on his long face of fair complexion. He works at the sanitation bureau of the Community Service Center by day and studies law at a night college, but one would never guess unless he brought it up. His appearance suggests that he knows nothing about the hardships of the world, exuding the air of a youngman who had spent his childhood in a home that is materially affluent. This young man is now treating his younger sister, his cousin, and his mother, who have arrived in Seoul on the night train, to some warm bean sprout soup across the street from the community center. His quarters are the night duty room at the center. Ever since he started working at the service center, the center’s staff no longer serves night duty. There is no need because Older Brother sleeps there every night. Soon he will take Cousin and me to the Job Training Center. Today is the first day of our training.
“It will be hard work.”
Oldest Brother speaks as if befallen by a hardship larger than the hard future that awaits us.
“But after you finish your training there and get a job at the