The Flea Palace Read Online Free Page A

at this point that ‘The Three Consultant Buddies’ showed up.
    The First of the Three Consultant Buddies came up with the idea that in order not to disturb the saints’ tombs, the avenue should take two separate twists at two points. His suggestion might have been considered had it not been thecase that no one took him seriously; not since that ominous day when he had been given a ruthless tongue-lashing at his workplace by his wife, upon her discovery that he’d spent their entire month’s rent at a nightclub. The Second of the Three Consultant Buddies, in turn, proposed the avenue continue in a straight line, right up to the two tombs, where it would bifurcate like a piece of string cheese. Though everyone knew he managed, albeit with difficulty, to gain the upper hand over his wife, even dared raise his voice at home and smash unsavory food against the wall, his idea was not accepted as no one wanted to take responsibility for possible future traffic accidents. It was then that the Third of the Three Consultant Buddies asserted in a meandering speech, that they were committing a grave error by rushing to a solution. First they had to grasp what exactly the problem was and, had they done so, would indeed detect more than one peculiarity in this particular case. Thus he paraphrased his oration: ‘First diagnosis, then treatment!’
    The points of emphasis the Third of the Three Consultant Buddies wanted clarified for diagnosis were as follows:
What exactly was this army of Ebu Hafs-i Haddad? What was it doing in Istanbul?
If this army was one of those Arab forces that had long ago come as far as Istanbul with the intent of conquest, what was someone like Saint ‘Hewhopackedupandleft’ – whose name did not at all sound Arabic – doing among them?
If Saint ‘Hewhopackedupandleft’ had indeed been martyred while fighting for the conquest of Istanbul on the side of the Arabs, why on earth did he have two tombs?
Last but not least, which of the tombs was genuine?
    Meticulously elaborating each point on his agenda, the Third of the Three Consultant Buddies arrived at the conclusion thatthough there was no harm in skipping some of these points so as to save time, it was absolutely essential to clarify the last detail to ascertain which of the two tombs was the real one. Indeed he was a better orator than the others and a bachelor to boot.
    Be that as it may, digging a saint’s tomb at a time like this was analogous to accepting a gift package with unknown content from an anonymous sender: it probably did not contain anything harmful but what if it did? Just to make matters worse, right at this time, a foul-mouthed journalist notorious for stirring bread into his
rakι
for breakfast but nonetheless alert enough to have his ear to the ground, had already picked up the scent and written a piece in the leading opposition newspaper entitled, ‘Government’s Gravediggers in Business Suits.’ Though the editorial itself was not as accusatory as its title hinted and the claim behind it rather hazy, these could be due more to the journalist’s having passed out before finishing the piece than to his concern not to further poke his nose into this business. There was no way to tell that once he sobered up he would not write another editorial, this time even more aggressive.
    Still, the tombs were dug up all at once and without any prior notice. Set to accomplish this unpleasant duty in the fastest way possible and without any onlookers present, two officials, three guards and five workers gathered with their briefcases, flashlights, pickaxes and shovels before dawn. They dug up the tombs of the saints under the stunned looks of a few vagabonds who had settled in the vacated cemetery once the thieves and street dogs had stopped coming. Nothing came out of the first tomb; neither a coffin, nor a shroud, nor bones or a skull, nor the personal belongings of the saint. At least there were tree roots, cracked rocks and worms –