The California Club Read Online Free Page B

someone who dresses so audaciously, Zoë can be surprisingly insecure about her looks. A couple of times we've tried to convince her to tone down the pantomime make-up and poke-your-eye-out outfits and let her natural beauty shine through but she's still convinced that her sex appeal needs to be flagged up with bright colors. One day she'll realize that she could be wearing a muumuu and still get an X-rating.
    'Bureau de Change,' Zoë alerts me.
    We're just pooling our money so as not to incur a double exchange fee when Zoë flinches. 'It's that guy again!'
    The stud is just one person ahead of us, taking his turn at the counter.
    'Let's go to Thomas Cook,' Zoë pleads, turning to leave.
    'No, wait – have you got a spare extension?'
    'Why?'
    I make a just-hand-it-over motion.
    'This one is too blonde for me really …' She pulls a flaxen wisp from her bag.
    I take it, pretend to be leaning forward to check the exchange rates – 'Would you look at that – 14 South African Rand to the pound!' – and gently clip it to the end of his jumper.
    Zoë's eyes widen.
    'Pin the tale on the donkey!' I snicker.
    Zoë muffles a guffaw. 'Pin the tale on the honky, more like!'
    We grip each other, convulsed with mirth as he walks off counting his Euros, oblivious to the peroxide tail swishing from his bum.
    'What an ass!' I shake my head as we head for Duty Free.
     
     
    While Zoë stocks up on kiwi-flavored vodka, I give myself a surreptitious squirt with Elliot's aftershave: Happy for Men by Clinique.
    The smell alone makes my heart and stomach entwine.
    'We have the female version …' The assistant swoops.
    'I'm fine!' I blush, backing off.
    'Would you like to try it?' She follows me with a sample that she must have been hiding under her cuff.
    'Oh, I wear that!' Elise announces as I collide with her. 'In fact I've just run out.'
    'Well, there you go.' I try and palm her off on the assistant.
    'I wish I could, but it's too much of an extravagance.'
    'It's $30,' I frown.
    Not that Elise should ever wear a perfume called Happy, she could get done under the Trades Descriptions Act. Poison would be far more appropriate.
    'Perfume should be a gift,' Elise simpers. 'It feels kind of unfeminine buying it for myself. Am I being silly?'
    I think the word you're looking for is manipulative, I mutter to myself as I watch Elliot reach for his wallet.
    ‘They’re calling our flight!’ Sasha alerts us.
    ‘Won’t be a minute!’
    ‘It’s a really long trek to the gate, we need to go now !’
    Suddenly there’s a real urgency in the air and we half-run, half-walk switching between mild panic and excitement.
    ‘I can’t believe we’re really doing this!’ Zoe puffs. ‘Cali-freakin-fornia!’
    Boarding is uncharacteristically free of aisle-ditherers and no sooner are we in our seats than the stewardess greets the five of us with complimentary glasses of champagne. Must be Brendan's doing, I decide, about to take a gulp.
    'Wait!' Elliot stops me. 'I'd like to say a few words.'
    I scoot forward, trying to feel a part of their row and block out the stares of my neighbors.
    I raise my glass, ready to toast Helen! California! The sun-kissed adventures that lie ahead! But instead Elliot puts his arm around Elise and punctures my parachute with the words, 'We're engaged!'
    Slowly Elise removes her glove and flaunts her sparkling ring finger.
    I fall back into my seat with shock.
    Why do I get the feeling it should be her middle finger jutting forth?

Chapter 3
    So far I've come up with three ways I might dispose of Elise on the flight:
    1. As she goes to retrieve her bag from the overhead bin, Zoë's vodka bottles roll out and zonk her on the head.
    2. I replace her anti-Deep Vein Thrombosis flight socks with a pair that cut off her circulation altogether.
    3. During dinner she chokes on a chicken bone and no one can give her the Heimlich maneuver because the captain has switched on the Fasten Seatbelts sign.
     
    Engaged!
     
    If only she were