Silent Honor Read Online Free Page A

she wanted him to go and get her mother. And for an odd moment, she shook her head, and then reached for his hand, as though she wanted to tell him something.
    “Is something wrong, Hidemi? You must tell me if there is.” He always worried that out of modesty she would fail to tell him if she was ill or if there was something wrong with her or the baby. “You must not disobey me,” he said, hating the words, but knowing that they were the key to making her tell him if there was a problem. “Is something wrong?”
    She shook her head as she looked at him, and then turned away, her face filled with emotion.
    “Hidemi-san, what is it?”
    She turned back to look at him then, with the huge dark eyes he loved so much and which always reminded him of their daughter. “I am afraid, Masao-san….”
    “Of having the baby?” He felt so sorry for her, his heart went out to her, momentarily sorry that he had helped her do this. He had felt that way the last time, when he had glimpsed her pain. He hoped that this time it would be easy for her.
    But she shook her head, and then looked at him so sadly. She was twenty-one years old, and there were times when she looked like a little girl, and other times when she seemed totally a woman. He was seven years older than she, and much of the time, he felt protective of her, and almost old enough to be her father.
    “I am afraid it will not be a son …again…. Perhaps we will have many daughters.” She looked at him despairingly and he gently put his arms around her and held her.
    “Then we will have many daughters. … I am not afraid of that, Hidemi-san. I only want you to be well, and not suffer. … I will be happy with daughters or sons…. You must not do this for me again, if you don't wish it.” There were times when he thought she had rushed into having another child just to please him and give him the son she felt would bring him honor. Her gift of a son for him was the most important thing she could give him.
    And when her mother came to lead her away, Hidemi looked at him reluctantly. She liked being with him, and odd as it seemed, she didn't want to go away from him to have their baby. She knew that in some ways, their relationship was different than that of most Japanese couples. Masao liked being with her, and helping her, and spending time with her and Hiroko. Even now, in pain, she wanted him to be with her, although she knew that her mother would have been shocked to hear her say it. But she would never say it to anyone. They would never have understood her feelings, or the way Masao treated her. He was always so kind and so respectful.
    For hours she lay in her mother's room, thinking of him, and this time she knew from the way the pains came that the baby would come before morning. She had felt the pains all afternoon, but hadn't wanted to say anything. She didn't want to leave Masao, and she had liked lying next to him, and being close to him, and all that day being with Hiroko. But now she knew she had work to do, and she lay silently as her mother gave her something to bite on so she wouldn't make a sound. She would do nothing to disgrace her husband.
    But as time wore on, the baby didn't seem to move, and when her mother finally looked, she could see nothing. No head, no hair, no movement at all. There was just endless pain, until Hidemi was almost out of her mind with it by morning.
    And as though he sensed that something was wrong tins time, Masao came to the shoji screens several times and inquired how she was doing. His mother-in-law always bowed politely and assured him that Hidemi was fine, but at first light, he noticed that even the old woman was looking frightened.
    “How is she now?” he asked, looking haggard. He had been worried about her all night, and he wasn't sure why, but he somehow sensed that this time was different. Last time, there had been an atmosphere of calm about the two women bustling in and out of the labor room. This time there