Shaken Read Online Free Page B

bitterness that caused and lowered his voice. “How about we start with why you don’t want my support?”
    “I never said I didn’t want your support. I said I don’t want your money .”
    “That’s the same thing.”
    “No, it’s not.” She looked over her shoulder at him, her eyes red rimmed. Accusing. “I haven’t had your support since that night.” She didn’t have to say which night she meant.
    And she couldn’t be more wrong.
    “I’ve done nothing but be here for you and you know it. You’re the one who walked out.”
    “Was I, Grant? Really?” She turned fully now. “Can you look me in the eye and tell me that you’ve been there for me?”
    “Yes.”
    “That you hurt with me?”
    Grant ground his teeth together. Did she need to dig into him with shards of glass to get her point across? “Yes.”
    “That you cried with me? Mourned with me? Shared any of your pain?”
    No. He’d never done that. He clamped his lips, staring down at the woman who was supposed to understand. So why didn’t she?
    She advanced another step. “Couldn’t you hear my heart breaking without you?”
    “I held you every night.” Her pain had been a scourge, but he’d still held on. She was the one who let go.
    “But did you listen, Grant? Did you hear me calling out for her? For my daughter. Our daughter?”
    Until her voice was hoarse and the sound was gone, but still he listened, even when she’d scream soundlessly into her pillow. Just the memory of those tortured sounds made him feel as if his teeth were breaking from the pressure. Every bony plate in his head throbbed from it. “Yes.”
    She was right in front of him now, like a pale ghost demanding retribution. “Why didn’t you?”
    He jerked, her whisper hitting him like a gunshot. “Why didn’t I what?”
    “Why didn’t you call for her? Why didn’t you cry for her? Didn’t she deserve even that much from you?”
    The rail bit into his back. Grant closed his eyes. He shook his head at her.
    “ That’s why I don’t want your money, Grant. I don’t want anything from you. I just want to go away and pretend none of this —” she pushed at his chest, “—ever happened. Just like you have, every day, ever since—”
    He opened his eyes, grasping her wrists so fast she gasped. “Don’t say it.”
    “Say what?” But she knew. He could see it in her eyes.
    “Just don’t.”
    “Why not? It’s not as if you care. As if you feel anything about the fact that she’s gone.” She leaned into him, but not in the way he wanted. In a way that made him wish this elevator were bigger. But given the tension in his spine, the calculating look in her eyes, he knew the biggest elevator car in the world wouldn’t make any difference. What he needed were doors that opened. That allowed him to escape before the elephant between them sounded its name. “Did you even feel anything when she was alive, or was that a lie, too?”
    Now what was she talking about? “When did I ever lie to you?”
    “For all I know, everything was a lie. Our relationship, our marriage—”
    “I have never lied to you.”
    But his answer just seemed to incense her. “Oh yes you did.”
    “When? Tell me when.” He held on, even when she yanked at his grip on her wrists, fighting like a wild thing.
    “When you promised to stand by me, no matter what .” Pain and anger flared the color in her cheeks. “But where were you, Grant?”
    “I was right here!”
    She shook her head, the wisps of hair around her face flying. “When you said you loved me.”
    “I do love you.” He wrapped his arms around her, trying to keep her from hurting either of them by holding her hands behind her. He pressed his forehead to hers, closing his eyes as he breathed her in. That sweet spice that was purely Julia. Even if she hated him, it was the only thing that brought him any measure of peace. “I’ve loved you from the first second I saw you. The second , damn it. You’re my whole