On the Rocks (Pub Fiction Book 2) Read Online Free Page A

cavalry for both you and my baby. I’ll make sure you meet your Knight. The one who’s meant to care for you just as I should have. I’m so sorry I didn’t talk to you, I hope you know this has nothing to do with you, I just can’t take it anymore, the daily fight to not feel the heavy weight that overtakes me when I’m on my own, away from you. I want to be the man you deserve, but I can’t. Please believe me that my only light has only ever been you. I know you will always guide me in the darkness as I will guide you in the light. I’m about to begin a new journey without you and I’m so fucking scared, but I have to. I’m tired of hiding my anger, my hate for myself; I need the torment to end. I’m sorry for being selfish…I just can’t.”
    I may have lost my birth parents because I chose Shawn and my baby, but in the process I gained the best people I could ever have now standing in my corner. Thank goodness my Grams was there to get Emme and I the hell out of that town once and for all. Unfortunately, all my family saw was a sinner who chose the wrong path and deserved to deal with whatever consequences came my way, rather than a broken girl who lost so much and needed help to find herself again.
    I’ve learned some important life lessons over the years since Shawn’s death, the main one being: love is for fools and I will NEVER be a fool again . The second lesson: I will never understand the choice to take your own life.
    The saying, “Suicide doesn’t end pain, it just passes it on to others” is a lesson I’ve found to be true the hard way. Despite my wavering on my feelings over Shawn’s suicide as the years pass, I still move through the grief stages. I fluctuate from anger to blame to understanding; I still struggle to compartmentalize my feelings toward the man I assumed was my forever. The man I thought I knew. The hardest part was getting over the final images I saw of him, ones that have plagued me over the years. But after talking it through with Hillary, I realize Shawn wasn’t thinking about me finding him that way, it’s not like he was being malicious. No, he was simply hurting, and not in any frame of mind to think of those around him. I just can’t ever seem to stop asking why? Or how could you? Along with the contents of his note, I also can’t seem to shake the belief that I am in some capacity a reason Shawn isn’t here. Lucky for me, Hillary assures me my feelings are completely normal and that his ultimate choice was not my fault.
    If I can ever help even one person cope—as Hillary’s helped me—it will be worth every effort I have to make to get there.
    However, the greatest overall life lesson I’ve learned over the last four years is that, yes, I can do this. I can be a survivor and the best damn mom to the person who matters the most in my world.
    My daughter .
    I fold Shawn’s letter carefully and put it back in my purse. One of the cranky people has finally spotted the bus coming.

Chapter 4
    Braunwyn
    “I checked my phone and I think I’m on the right route, but does this take me near Glendale and Cross?” I ask the driver before getting on the bus. After the driver confirms it is indeed the right one, I grab a seat at the back, steel my nerves, and go over answers to the possible questions that Grams and I have been practicing for the interview.
    God, I need this break. A little bit of extra money would allow for a bit more freedom. Freedom to help Gram, freedom to take Emme to the movies or McDonald’s once in a while, freedom to breathe a bit lighter for once. I switch the song on my iPod to System of a Down’s “B.Y.O.B.” and try to work up my confidence for the interview. It’s the perfect song as it gets my blood pumping. The words are like an anthem that gets me fired up. I know it’s a darker song, but Serj Tankian’s voice is a force to be reckoned with, exactly what I want to be during my interview at Pub Fiction…a force .
    I acknowledge