Mark McGuinness - Resilience: Facing Down Rejection Read Online Free Page A

the strength of the immune system. Every time a monkey moves down the ladder, its nervous system downgrades itself. And each time its health and vitality is downgraded, its chances of survival shrink a little more.
    So each time you are publicly criticized, you feel as though your social status is slipping a notch or two. You may not be out the door yet, but you’re one step closer to the exit. One step nearer the outer darkness. Which is why rejection or criticism feels like a matter of life or death, however much you try to tell yourself it isn’t.
    But it doesn’t have to feel like that forever. As we’ll see, there are plenty of things you can do to lessen the impact of rejection and criticism, and to develop the quality that will keep you going in spite of them: resilience.
    Notes:
    Mimi Khalvati: http://www.mimikhalvati.co.uk
    The Poetry School: http://poetryschool.com
    Gustave Flaubert, letter to Ernest Feydau, 11 January 1859
    David Rock, Your Brain at Work, Scene 10 “Turning enemies into friends” (HarperCollins, 2009)
    Maslow, A.H. (1943). “A Theory of Human Motivation,” Psychological Review 50(4): 370-96.
    “Low Social Rank Messes with Monkeys’ Immune Systems by Altering Gene Expression” http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/80beats/2012/04/12/low-social-rank-messes-with-monkeys-immune-systems-by-altering-gene-expression/

4. Make it something worth dying for
    Since rejection and criticism are a matter of life and death, there’s no point exposing yourself to them for anything less than a dream worth dying for.
    I’m serious.
    Whichever path you choose in life, sooner or later you will experience a moment when you feel tested to breaking point. On this day, the obstacles will be stacked so high, the rejection so brutal, the criticism so cutting, the people you encounter so hostile, petty, dishonest, ungrateful, or plain nasty, that you feel stretched to your limit—and beyond. When that day comes, you will slump down in a heap and ask yourself why you bother.
    And you’d better have a good answer ready.
    Because if you’re doing a job or running a business just for the money, it won’t be a good enough reason to pick yourself up out of that heap and rise to the challenge.
    If you’re a dilettante, toying with your talent in the hope of fame, fortune, or the adoration of fans, that won’t be enough either.
    If you’re doing something because it’s what’s expected of you by your family, friends, or peers, that won’t be enough.
    If you’re doing something because you’re good at it, the rewards are easy to obtain, and it feels like the path of least resistance, that certainly won’t be enough.
    At that point, getting a raise, or a corner office, or maximizing shareholder value, or even a medal, or your name in lights won’t be enough.
    At that point, it will feel like your identity—your very essence—is on the line. Going forward means risking the loss of your place in the world, your opportunity to live your life to the full and actualizing your potential. It means risking obliteration.
    So when you ask yourself why you bother, and whether to risk going on, it will make all the difference in the world if you’ve chosen a path worth dying for.
    Because in that case, your decision will be simple—not easy, but simple.
    You will have a reason to take the next step, to risk it all, and to meet the challenge with every ounce of your strength.
    You’ll be prepared to put yourself on the line, and take whatever flak or pain comes your way. You’ll feel a fountain of strength rising up from your core, picking you up, and helping you to endure whatever is coming your way—failure, humiliation, shame, disappointment, hurt, or whatever—and to push beyond it.
    So what on earth is worth dying for?
    It needs to be something you are passionate about. Here are a few suggestions:
     
Justice —righting a big wrong.
Generosity —helping others survive, thrive, and achieve all they can