Love's Illusions: A Novel Read Online Free Page A

of dirt… something you could use to get back at him for seeing Leigh, I mean. I could hear the two of you arguing all the time and you screaming – you know, through that wall where our apartments connected. Your voice, it, well it carries a lot more than Stephen’s, and I didn’t want to get in the middle.”
    “Hmph… yeah, I know… it’s okay,” I replied again, my voice showing no trace of emotion. “But why are you here now?” I put down my coffee mug, narrowed my eyes just a little, and tried to maintain a blank look on my face. “Just tell me.”
    “Stephen’s been lying to me too. Before you left, I knew, well I thought I knew that he was having an affair with Leigh, you know the woman he worked with?” He looked at me, his eyes questioning.
    “Yes, I know her,” I acknowledged.
    He continued as if he just needed to get it all out. “Well, it’s not that having an affair was okay – I didn’t approve when he told me, but I didn’t think it was any of my business. Then when you went to stay with Mary Beth, before Stephen left for Boston, I found out that he wasn’t seeing her after all… but since he left Chicago by the end of that month, I figured I still shouldn’t say anything. After all, it wasn’t any of my business. But now that he’s back, well… I needed to tell you that he was seeing Joe and Donny and a bunch of other men…”
    Bernie hesitated waiting for me to react to this revelation, but I could only nod. If I spoke at all, if I gave rein to my emotions in any way, the tears were going to start flowing, so all I did was nod, and look down at the walnut colored wood table.
    Surprised, he continued, “You know? I mean I didn’t think – I thought you – I ahhh, well Leigh… I thought you thought she…” he continued stumbling, then found his courage again. “I wanted to see you because I thought you deserved to know that Stephen was really a homosex… I mean that he’d gone gay.”
    I just sat there forcing myself to drink more coffee, hoping my throat would open enough so I could swallow and I’d be able to find my voice. I hadn’t realized that I was also holding my breath. After a long pause, I managed to say, “I know – at least I know now, I didn’t know then. I thought he was having an affair with her too – that’s what he wanted me to think, but yes, I know now about Joe, Donny and most of the others.”
    Both of us just sat there looking at each other – getting that last sentence out without a tear was all I could manage. Bernie’s face showed a sense of relief, and the pinkish tinge had faded back to one of concern. He asked, “How did you find out?”
    I tried to speak again, but the lump in my throat was now so large it felt like it was blocking my airways. All I could do was shake my head, and try to swallow again. At that, Bernie motioned to the waiter, paid for the coffee, and as he stood up said, “Let’s walk around for a bit, okay?”
    All the clanking dishes, all the people chatting, all the waiters bustling about – even the smell of brewing coffee – all seemed to have stopped when Bernie started talking; the café had a deafening silence about it as my mind whirled in circles not stopping on any one thought long enough to let it take hold. Bernie knows… How did he find out… Who has he told… Stephen is back in town… Why… Will he stay or go again… shit, shit, shit!… Why the hell did I come here today?
    Bernie touched my shoulder, and my daze began to lift, “Want to walk around a while?” he asked again. As I stood up and headed towards the front door, I began to hear the sounds of the café around me again. When he opened the door and the cool afternoon air hit my face, reality returned in the form of a busy Chicago street.
    ~~~~~~~~
    I followed Bernie in silence as he led the way through various pods of people who were window-shopping along Michigan Avenue’s magnificent mile. My mind was focusing more and more as