I Need You Read Online Free Page A

in his eyes shining bright. “Lindy, let me make this up to you. I’ve been a shit friend for the last six months, and you need a friend––”
    I did… “But you were with Jason.” My pitch came out as an accusation; any thought of Jason still raised a bitter taste in my mouth.
    “You remember?” Guilt passed over his face.
    “Why were you with him?”
    His skin reddened, like he was going to confess something awful. “He’d called me that day. The day Rach had the baby.”
    The day I’d overdosed.
    “He asked me to wet the baby’s head with him and put everything behind us…” Billy’s eyes looked into mine as if he tried to judge my thoughts. “We’ve made up, Lind… and then we saw you and I knew I could never move on until you did too.”
    All the pain trapped inside me raced to the surface. I couldn’t. That wasn’t a choice I had.
    Tears rolled down my cheeks.
    I wish…
    Billy leaned over and his arms came around me. I rested my head on his shoulder, my arms about his neck. I needed someone to hug.
    Billy’s arms and shoulders were really muscular. His body mass was double the size of Jason’s. He’d played football at school and college, and he’d studied sports and become a personal trainer. All that strength and solidity was reassuring.
    But that’s what had got me into all the bullshit I’d fallen into back in the fall.

    But I didn’t want to think of that. I just let him hold me while I reveled in the comfort and security.
    Billy gave good hugs.
    This was worth so much more than any conversation on a psychiatrist’s couch, or medication. Relief bloomed inside me, aching.
    I’d needed to be held by someone outside my family.
    His fingers combed through my hair. “Did you mean to end it, or were you crying out for help?”
    I didn’t lift my head and didn’t answer. The ache of comfort was gone and instead the forest fire of guilt flared. I wouldn’t admit the truth; the truth was too awful. I didn’t have a good reason to give in.
    The psychiatrist had told me, “Everyone has burdens to carry, and you shouldn’t feel guilty.” She’d said, “It’s stopped being about choice, the chemicals in your body are all muddled up so you can’t think straight.” I was on happy pills, and counseling now, and she’d promised me I’d feel better and I’d get out the other side.
    I didn’t want to.
    “Why did you go to Jason’s store…?” Billy’s fingers ran through my hair. I felt like a kid being comforted. It took me back years; to the years I’d been happy.
    Why? I didn’t answer. He probably thought it was for revenge. It wasn’t. My life had been there, I’d worked there for years, been Jason’s second half for years.
    Who was I now? What was there to do?
    “I’m sorry, Lindy. If you let me help, I’ll make everything up to you.”
    He had nothing to make up, not really, everything that had gone wrong between him and me was my fault.
    “Do you want to get away for a while? Just for a couple of weeks even? I swear to God, there’ll be nothing in it. No expectation on my part at all.”
    I needed help. I needed to escape. Just until I could get back on track. “Yeah.”

    His hands gripped my shoulders and moved me back. He looked like he didn’t believe what I’d said. “Yeah?” His voice questioned.
    “Yeah.” I nodded, my vision clouding with tears. I needed to go somewhere and pretend my life wasn’t what it was––for a short vacation. “I’ll have to speak to the psychiatrist, though. When do you want to go?”
    He smiled. Billy was so nice, his heart shone right out of his eyes along with his smile. He hurt for me. We’d been close, before everything went wrong. This was him trying to put it right again. But nothing could ever be right.
    Tears rolled onto my cheeks as the flames of guilt flickered.
    Mom…
    Billy held me against his chest. His big, solid arms fencing me in and holding the world out.
    I felt better, like I had in the fall…