about it.”
He shook his head slowly. “Something tells me that you wouldn’t be so nonchalant about it if Dillon was one the kids in that fire.”
Her eyes widened as she gasped.
“You know, it’s really easy to lump forty children into a pretty little number, but each and every one of those kids belonged to someone. Some mother is sobbing herself to sleep because I killed her son or daughter.”
Megan’s voice rose. “You didn’t kill them, Will. That terrorist planted those bombs.”
“ I gave the order to move forward with the mission. I was the one who ignored orders to retreat. I was worried he’d get away again. Idiot. If I’d spent more time on surveillance…” He rubbed his eyes while a new wave of pain and guilt seared his chest. “I may not have hit the detonator, but they went off because of me.”
“No, Will. That’s not true.”
He stood, slapping his palm on the table. Damn her for trying to absolve him of his sins. He didn’t want to sweep this under the rug like the Pentagon had done. He wanted to be held responsible for what he’d done. Yet everyone wanted to slap his hand with a “bad boy” and then expected him to pretend it never happened. Everyone except his mother, the one person he needed love and acceptance from. Her disgust was the one true measure of his crime. “I have to get out of here.”
She stood, putting a hand on her hip. “What are you talking about? It’s not even four in the morning.”
“I’m one fucked-up mess, Megan. I can’t stay here and infect your family.”
“What the hell are you talking about? One mistake doesn’t make you a fucked-up mess that will infect my family.”
Will pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead. “I wished to God that was all I’d done, Megan. It was just the big finale.”
She paused. “What are you talking about?”
His hand fell to his side as icy resolve covered his emotions. “Why does no one ever question how my unit was one of the most successful?”
“Because you’ve always pushed yourself to be the best, Will.” While her words held conviction, Will heard her fear.
He tilted his head. “That’s not good enough there.”
“Will…”
“I needed information to find the men we were looking for. Do you have any idea how I got it?”
She shook her head, the color draining from her face. “No.”
Will took a step toward her. “My unit was the most successful because I learned how to make men talk. Would you like me to tell you how?”
Her eyes hardened as she lifted her chin. “No.”
“People need motivators to be persuaded to tell you want they don’t want you to know.” He took another step toward her as she took a step back. “One of the very best is fear.” His eyebrows rose. “Do you know what it takes to make trained terrorists afraid, Megan?”
She took another step backward, bumping into the kitchen counter. Her wide eyes filled with tears. “Will, you’re scaring me.”
He leaned into her face and whispered, “Good. You should be scared of me. I’ve done vile, vile things all in the name of righteousness. I’ve become a monster. I’ve ignored human decency all for the sake of the final results. But guess what? The end does not justify the means.”
“Will.” Her hand reached for his cheek, but he pushed it away.
“If I stay here, I will hurt you. Maybe not physically, but I’ll hurt you all the same. It’s just a matter of time.”
Tears streamed down her cheek as she bit her lip and shook her head. “No, I don’t believe that.”
He took a step back, his heart pounding so hard that it was about to beat itself from his chest. “I can’t take that chance, Megan.” His throat tightened as his eyes burned. “I love you too much to let that happen.” He went upstairs to his room and grabbed his shirt off the floor and pulled it over his head.
She stood in the doorway. “You can’t just leave like this. Where are you going to go?”
“I