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cool wasn’t important to me as a teenager. Growing up, “cool” felt like an assignment that I was always turning in late. I wasn’t “un-cool,” which in high school means “a walking target of mockery and ridicule,” but that was always a looming fear. I still was allowed to hang out with some cool kids because I occasionally said something funny. I remember thinking that one of those cool kids had really “cool” parents. They weren’t incredibly wealthy, but his mom and dad showed up at everything looking exceptionally stylish. They threw a Christmas party every year that all the other parents wanted to be invited to. They never seemed frazzled or appearedto get upset about anything. They always had the latest gadgets and went on amazingly stylish vacations. They dressed their kid in the hippest clothes possible. Their kid was “cool” by default, which in high school means “royalty.” I remember thinking, “My parents are so un-cool. If they were cool, I too would be cool. If I’m dumb enough to have kids when I grow up I am definitely going to be a ‘cool’ parent.”
    Well, guess what? I am a parent now, and I am still not cool. I also see a lot of former cool kids trying to be cool parents, but it’s not working. Why? Because parenting is not cool. You know what else isn’t cool? Trying to be cool. Sorry, everyone, you’re never going to be Gwen Stefani or David Beckham. Hell, they probably aren’t even considered cool anymore. Cool is subjective. Were that kid’s parents really cool? I bet he didn’t think so. Actually, back then, I only remember one kid ever saying to me that his parents were “cool,” but what he meant was that they smoked pot with him. Even then, I thought his parents were total degenerates.
    Since becoming a dad, I have become painfully aware of the obsession with cool parenting. There are three-year-olds decked out head to toe in designer clothes. I have to assume a few of these three-year-olds didn’t pick out their own outfits. Some of them might not even have credit cards. There are magazines, blogs, and websites obsessed with “cool parenting” that recommend the latest thing to feed your child, cool furniture for your child, and cool things to do with your child if you want them to be around children of other cool parents. I understand the aspiration. The fifteen-year-old me really relates. What I find odd is that the people who frequent and postcomments on some of these parenting websites seem like some of the un-coolest people in the universe. I used to have a lot of faith in humanity before the advent of the website “comment” section. These brave, anonymous parents shamelessly gossip and snipe at one another, bragging about how smart and cool their kids are and mocking people who don’t share their “cool” opinions. Newsflash: High school is over. You are not cool. “Cool” is a ridiculous concept.
    I find it hysterical that “ironic” is currently considered “cool” when, in fact, “cool” itself is what is ironic. Even in the ’70s and ’80s, the television show
Happy Days
was aware of the irony of “cool.” The cool character on
Happy Days
was “the Fonz,” and he was ridiculous. His office was in a men’s bathroom. That’s not only not cool, that’s not even sanitary. Maybe our society’s confusion about “cool” actually originates from
Happy Days
. Most of us watched it when we were too young to understand sarcasm. We all actually thought that “the Fonz” was the coolest guy in the world because that’s what the TV told us. That guy who can hit a jukebox and make it play or snap his fingers and have two chicks at his side is cool! I want to be like that guy. The guy with the greasy hair who hangs out by a urinal.
    To the Fonz’s credit, “cool” originated as a term meant to describe someone who ignores the conventions of the social mainstream. They just don’t care what other people think and do their own thing.