Caught in the Act Read Online Free Page A

come to that. We got the cleaner and a woman working in the office to be witnesses. I was very pregnant and—’
    â€˜I kept thinking that I re ally ought to ringwhen whats-his-name didn’t feature on the Christmas cards any more,’ Diana interrupted, her face folded into a concertina of concentration; but then Diana had always been a world famous face puller. It was nice to see that marrying a vicar hadn’t got in the way of her gurning. ‘Oh, come on, you’re enjoying this,’ she said crossly. ‘What the hell was his name? I’m trying hard over here; help me out.’
    â€˜What, when it’s so much fun seeing you struggle? Let me have a look at the photos while you’re thinking about it.’
    Diana snatched the album back. ‘Jack,’ she said with glee. ‘I’m right, aren’t I?’
    â€˜Yes. Very good. Now give them here, like a good girl.’
    Diana held the photos away from her. She always had had bloody long arms. It was very tempting to jump on her, at which point Carol had to remind herself that they weren’t thirteen any more.
    â€˜Jack French. I remember now—and he was a gardener too? Right?’ said Diana with delight.
    Carol slumped back onto the chair, admitting defeat, and nodded. ‘Occasionally, when he wasn’t trying to drink himself to death, screw the YTS girls or lie about how much moneywe owed. Fortunately, I’m divorced now. By contrast, life since Jack is wonderful, peaceful—pure bliss.’ Her voice lifted to emphasise the sheer joy of it.
    Diana was watching her face. ‘And did God call you—you know, like the whole voices in the head, road to Damascus thing?’
    Carol grinned; Diana was still sharp as glass.
    â€˜You still got the wart?’
    Diana nodded vigorously. ‘Of course I’ve got the wart, it goes without saying. Actually I was thinking about bringing it with me. It’s in my earring box, preserved for posterity in cling film and talc.’
    â€˜Maybe we ought to get something a little more salubrious for it. A reliquary; you should be up on that kind of stuff: an ornate ebony casket for the toenail of St Kevin the Just.’
    â€˜Wrong mob; we’re Low Church, less incense and stained glass, more jumble sales and cheery gatherings around the kitchen table, and besides, my jewellery box is salubrious. Hedley gave it to me as a wedding present. It’s rosewood, I think. Belonged to his mother.’ There was a long slow silence and then Diana said, her expression softening, ‘You know, it’s so good to see you again. I thought you mighthave gone and grown up. It’s been hard maintaining the whole born-to-boogie ethos all on your own.’
    Carol snorted. ‘Born to boogie? When were either of us ever born to boogie, Di? You’re a vicar’s wife, for God’s sake.’
    Diana laughed and finally handed Carol the photo album. ‘But I wasn’t always a vicar’s wife, was I?’
    â€˜No, I suppose not. Do you still play cards?’
    Diana reddened. ‘Not for money. Hedley asked me to stop after I cleaned up at his preordination party.’
    Carol giggled. ‘Nine-card brag, poker. It was like going around with the Maverick. I remember you used to cut a deck with one hand.’
    â€˜Oh, I can still do that,’ Diana said casually. ‘I’ve won enough matches at our annual Christmas whist drive to burn down half Europe.’
    Carol smiled. ‘OK, well maybe things aren’t as bad as they look.’ She opened the first album.
    The photograph was a long shot of the entire school taken the first year that she and Diana had gone up from primary school, when they had first found each other and Netty and Jan—threewitches and Lady Macbeth in waiting. The picture was taken on the neatly manicured lawn outside the main school entrance, by the pond. Unexpectedly Carol found a lump in her