Wrath of the Lemming-men Read Online Free Page B

work,’ Wainscott said, leaning back against the wall. Behind him Susan and Craig carried the unconscious General Wikwot, who looked like a bear in a breastplate. ‘Easy in, easy out. Well done, Smith.’
    Wainscott leaned in and ruffled Carveth’s hair. ‘You too, pilot girlie.’ He glanced at Suruk, clearly considering whether it was wise to ruffle his mane. ‘And you,’ Wainscott added, deciding against it.
    ‘All in a day’s work,’ Carveth said, hooking her thumbs over her belt. Glory did not often come her way. She pulled what she imagined was the sort of face tough, competent pilots had. ‘Whatever the mission, you know we’re big enough to take it on.’
    ‘Which is exactly why I’ll be using you next time,’ Wainscott said, and the smile faded somewhat from Carveth’s face.
    ‘Next time?’ she squeaked, and Wainscott turned to Smith, oblivious.
    ‘Cheerio, Smith.’ His eyes narrowed. ‘Hope you don’t mind me asking, but where’s that floaty bird who used to be with you? Funny sort, smelt of herbal tea?’
    ‘Rhianna,’ Smith said. ‘She – well, she doesn’t work for us anymore. I – well, I suppose she had trouble being sufficiently committed.’
    ‘I’ve had trouble with commitment myself,’ Wainscott said, and his eyes widened. ‘I’m not going back in there. You can’t make me!’
    Susan tapped him on the arm. ‘That’s committal. It’s alright, Boss.’
    ‘Oh, I see.’ Wainscott shrugged. ‘Well, bad luck about that. Still, she never seemed quite right , you know? Anyway, can’t stand here making jaw forever. Come along Susan, we’ve got a war to win.’
    ‘Us too,’ Smith said, and he turned the wheel and the airlock swung open with a sharp, rusty creak. Wainscott gave them a little wave and wandered out into the trans-port ship, his men chaperoning him like students around an elderly don.
    ‘Tea?’ enquired Smith.
    They took tea in the living room, together with some scones they had picked up on Proxima Secundis. The radio played light music. Smith poured cups for Suruk and Carveth, then sat down.
    ‘Well done, men,’ he said. ‘We got everyone back intact, bagged loads of furries and got all those poor beetle people into good medical care. Excellent.’
    ‘With Rhianna and most of our drugs mysteriously gone, I ought to brush up on my first aid,’ Carveth said, taking a deep draught of tea. ‘I’ve not been in a medical facility since we refuelled at the Free States.’
    Suruk snorted. ‘It said MASH on the roof and you thought it was a pie shop.’
    ‘Well, you don’t even have an anatomy. The day I entrust my health to someone with a face like a lobster bonking a pasty is the day—’
    The Elgar on the radio suddenly broke off and was replaced by a military band playing ‘Lilliburlero’. Then a crisp voice declared: ‘We interrupt this programme to deliver an important message. News has reached us of victory on the world of Varanor! For the first time, Imperial troops have completely defeated the Yull!’
    ‘Excellent!’ Smith cried. ‘Turn it up!’
    ‘Yesterday afternoon the enemy attempted a full-scale assault, seeking to encircle and destroy the 112th Imperial Army. They were met with heroic resistance from human and Morlock forces fighting under the British flag, and their advance has been completely shattered in what is fast becoming known as the Battle of the Tam Valley.
    Thousands of disgraced lemming men have flung themselves into the river. General Florence Young and Asrath the Vengeful, Commander of Colonial Beings, have pledged to take back Varanor and teach a stern lesson to the Yull. Forward the Empire!’
    ‘Good Lord!’ said Smith. ‘We’ve thrashed them!’
    Suruk chuckled, which was always a bad sign for somebody.
    ‘Great!’ said Carveth. ‘How’s about I break out the Malibu? It’s naval Malibu,’ she added, pre-empting a disapproving look from Smith.
    ‘We’ll have a gin and tonic once we’ve engaged the