Winter In August Read Online Free Page B

Jude, the patron of hopeless cases. I asked Santa to bring her back on numerous Christmases. But, I was always heartbroken. My sense of security was crushed. Seeing my friends with their moms tore me apart. I hid my pain as best I could through pretending to be tough. I hid my pain well in front of people, then when I would be in the privacy of my own room is when my true feelings would surface. Many nights I cried myself to sleep, hoping somewhere she could feel the pain I was in, and come rushing back to me.
    As the years went on, I tried to forget her. I gave up all hope she would be back. Forgetting your mother was hard to do on holidays, especially Mother’s Day. I blamed myself, thinking I hadn’t been a good enough daughter, that I was the reason she’d been so sad. I always remembered my mom being upset and crying most days. Nothing made my mom happy except the trips she and I would take to the New Jersey Shore. At times, my mom would put me in the car and take off to a cottage she rented on the shore, and we would stay there either a week or two. The Jersey shore was the one place I remembered her being genuinely happy. My mom was a different person when she was there. She would actually smile, put on makeup, and dress up. I didn’t understand why the Seaside Cottages made her so different. When she left, I begged my dad to go there and search for her. One weekend, he left me with my aunt, drove to the New Jersey shore, and came back disappointed. He said she wasn’t there and if my mom wasn’t at her favorite place I knew I had lost her forever.
    The heartbreak and stress of losing her led me to fall into a deep depression in which I would eat myself crazy. The sweet motherly things she did for me were no longer going to happen. I was never going to come home to a snack she prepared for me, have her sing me to sleep, or go on a road trip with her. My dad would fill the house with junk food, bread, and cheese. He thought food would help me feel better. It didn’t make me feel better but did fill a void in my life.
    I was left home alone quite a bit during those times, and the pain and fear of the unknown made my life worse. I had this strong fear my dad was going to die from his drinking and abandon me like my mom.
    Though I didn’t tell anyone but Kris, no one knew what problems I had. He always looked out for me, always took care of me, and made sure I was okay. As we grew older, I confided in him about what was going on in my head, and because of his acceptance, I was a little more secure. He helped me at the electrical store, we did our homework together, and I spent many nights at his house eating with his family. He was not only my boyfriend, but he was my best friend in the world.
    Over the years, he grew into this gorgeous, perfect guy the girls were smitten over. Yet, he only had eyes for me. Standing six foot four, muscular, and with a laugh that melted anyone’s heart, Kris was the man of my dreams. He played every sport in high school and loved chocolate pudding with whipped cream and bananas, cheeseburgers, and hot Dr. Pepper. He was my first love, first kiss, and first blowjob. On the way to an amusement park after senior prom, I decided to try blowing Kris while he drove. In no time, I succeeded in getting him off, and he came all over my new Britney Spears T-shirt. After that, we spent every chance we could together and explored each other’s bodies like a map in an atlas. I decided my senior year, I would one day be Gabby Graber and spend the rest of my life with him. We planned on going to college together, living together, and getting married on the beach. His senior year, he didn’t get the football scholarship he hoped for and instead enlisted in the Marine Corps. I remember crying and begging him not to join the Marines and he wouldn’t listen. He was hell bent on enlisting and nothing I did or said changed his mind.
    That’s when everything changed.
    After basic training, his unit