me?”
“What does it matter?”
“Grant,” I said, exasperated. “It matters.”
He nodded. “I know,” he said.
“Then tell me.”
He looked at me as if apologizing for a crime. “All right. If you’re going to force it out of me. There was a time when I had a crush on you, Lacey.”
I felt my cheeks redden. “That doesn’t explain having my picture.”
“It wasn’t just a little crush. It was an all encompassing, all mighty obsession. It burned inside me like a fire. I tried to get over it, I tried not to think of you in that way, but I couldn’t.”
“So you brought pictures of me out to the barn for what reason?”
I looked at him questioningly.
“Are you really going to make me spell it out?” he said.
My head was spinning. How did I feel about this? I mean, I’d had my fantasies about him, but this was different. Or was it? Was it exactly the same?
“Tell me.”
“I fantasized about you, Lacey. I didn’t want to disrespect your father by doing it under his roof, so I came out here to look at your photos.”
I could hardly believe what I was hearing. “This doesn’t make any sense.”
“You were pretty, Lacey. In fact, you were hot, smoking hot.”
“I was never hot.”
“You’ve always been a beauty. You know that.”
“No I don’t,” I said, my cheeks burning with embarrassment.
“You knew it back then. That’s why you gave me such a hard time. It was torture living with you and never being able to make a move. You knew I wanted you.”
I was dumbfounded. “You wanted to make a move on me?”
“Of course I did. Why do you think I teased you about so many things?”
My eyes filled with tears. I didn’t even know why. “What did you do with the photos?” I blurted without thinking.
“What do you think? I jerked off, thinking about you.”
“Is this a joke?” I gasped.
“I forgot the pictures were up there. You shouldn’t have seen them. I’m sorry.”
I looked at him. I didn’t know how to feel. Was I offended? I didn’t think I was. I mean, I felt I should have been offended in some way, but I wasn’t. He’d had a crush on me all this time? That wasn’t a crime. If it was, I was just as guilty as him.
He was no worse than I was. I’d masturbated while spying on him through my bedroom window. I wasn’t about to tell him that. I would literally die if he ever found that out. I had to play it cool. I’d pretend to be a little shocked, even though I was secretly thrilled at the thought of him hiding up here, jerking off, fantasizing about me.
I tried to picture his cock, what it would have looked like while he stroked it to orgasm using pictures of me. Then I shook my head and forced my mind back to the present.
“Are you upset?” he said.
“I don’t know, Grant.”
“You shouldn’t be. It was a long time ago, and it was really innocent. I swear I tried to resist. I just couldn’t help it. I was young, my hormones were raging. You know how it is.”
“I’m not upset, Grant. I understand. It’s just, it’s surprising is all. I was used to thinking of you in a certain way, and now I find out that you’ve got my prom photo in your porn stash.”
“It’s not like that, Lacey.”
“I know,” I said, softening my tone, “but Grant, what am I supposed to feel? We’ve known each other our whole lives.”
“Feel whatever you want to feel.”
I laughed. “You obviously don’t know women very well, giving advice like that.”
He smiled.
“We should get back to the party,” I said. “They’ll be looking for us.”
A jazz quartet had started playing, and we could hear the romantic music through the slatted walls of the barn. I felt awkward and I wanted to escape the uncomfortable situation.
I’ll admit I was thrilled to find out Grant had had a crush on me, even if it was years ago. It made me feel a little less guilty about all the fantasizing I’d done about him, but it was still definitely very uncomfortable. It was