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300 pounds, labored up the stairs and stepped out upon the platform to cut the ribbon. He was followed closely by a large entourage of equally large men. All those on the scaffolding felt a tremor in their toes. Yet, eventhen, the structure held.
    “Tobacco is the road to the future,” the President started to say. “As we chew, so do we –”
    At that moment, a steam valve popped open, sending aloft a blast of steam with a terrific roar. This event, though harmless in itself, had the unfortunate effect of startling the visitors. They leapt back involuntarily, all of the portly dignitaries and the mighty President. This sudden shift of weight was finally too much for the wooden scaffolding; it sagged, groaned, and collapsed, spilling the entire group upon the monster machine.
    By some miracle, the President was saved (though some say he was never the same again) and not a single visitor was seriously hurt. Fill-more Badcock, however, tumbled headlong into the very maw of the metal monster, which rapidly converted him from a tobacco tycoon into ten yards of cut plug.

    President Grover Cleveland
(after his accident)

A Cure for Malaria
     

    Blessington Badcock
    After Fillmore’s untimely death, the company fell to his young son, Blessington. Blessington Badcock had been a sickly child, and it was feared he would not be up to the job. The fears were groundless. The time he’d spent recuperating out West molded him into a man – he returned an industrial genius, a two-fisted empire builder who brought the company to its “manifest destiny.”
    He was not averse to identifying the company with our nation. Glaring through his pince-nez, gnashing his teeth, and hammering on the boardroom table, Blessington declared that it was manifestly the destiny of General Snuff to take a keen interest in all American affairs,especially those involving “foreign entanglements.”
    “What’s good for General Snuff,” he said on more than one occasion, “is good for America.” It went without saying, that what was bad for General Snuff was bad for America. The company was particularly concerned about the current revolution in Cuba. The Cubans had been fighting since 1895 to free themselves from Spanish rule and become an independent nation. Blessington repeatedly wrote asking President Cleveland to intervene.
    Mr. President, we must help the brave Cubans fling off the yoke of Spanish oppression. Not only is their cause right, and dear to the heart of every American, but the very heart of our cigar industry is at stake. It is vital to secure our important Havana and Manila cigar interests. It would be a national tragedy if those interests were to remain in the cruel hands of Spanish oppressors. It could well mean the end of the five-cent cigar!
     
    Cleveland, however, had little reason to listen to Badcock schemes. He wished America to remain neutral. Nor did his successor, McKinley. Then in 1898, an event took place that changed President McKinley’s mind.
    The U.S. warship Maine was lying at anchor in Havana harbor. A sudden unexplained explos – ion sank her, with 250 of her crew. The causes of this explosion are still unknown.
    Critics of the General Snuff and Tobacco Company have blamed the firm. It has been claimed that a “secret company agent climbed aboard and set a charge. His only purpose was to drag the United States into a foreign war!”

    Adair Badcock
    Nothing could be further from the truth. Although it is true that a company agent was aboard, there was nothing secret or sinister about his mission. He was there simply to observe, and watch out for company cigar interests in Havana. The agent was a cousin of Blessington’s, Adair Badcock. He had no intention of harming an American ship, as his final cable to the home office indicates. Indeed, it can be argued that he was incapable of subterfuge.
    CHEERIO ALL
    EXHILARATING TO BE ABOARD STOP SHIP
    IS VERY BUSY COMMA
    ALWAYS PEOPLE RUSHING ABOUT STOP
    I SEEM TO BE