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TV balanced on a knackered dining chair. If I tried hard enough it reminded me of some of the rooms I’d had in Halls as a student. Fergus had already settled himself comfortably on the duvet, and I tickled him under the ear before throwing him off and lying down myself. It was early yet, but another bottle from our whisky store was keeping me company.
     
     

Friday, 3 April 2015. 05:52
     
    Just before dawn I surfaced enough from a heavy, alcohol-fuelled sleep to dream. In the dream, which seemed no different to being awake, Sarah came into my exile bedroom, smiling, relaxed, vibrating with life. Her hair was down and was tousled round her head as if she'd just woken up. She was humming 'Summertime', which she always said made her
feel horny.
    'Hello, sweetheart,' she said, 'fish are jumping...' I laid impassively in the narrow bed, watching as she slipped off her negligee and crawled in on top of me. '...and the weather is fine...' Her breath was hot on my body as she slowly worked her way down, looking up under her hair at me for a second with a sexy smile and I realised with a horrible start that this wasn't Sarah, this was somebody else...
    I woke with a jump and almost fell out of bed, my arm thrashing at my dream, and with a massive hard on. I slumped back, finding the pillow wet with sweat, and put my hand over my eyes.
     
    After all that it took me a long time to get going in the morning. I couldn't shake the feeling from the dream, that Sarah wasn't Sarah, that she was alive somewhere, that she'd been in the room with me. I showered and dressed, and made it downstairs, drawing the kitchen curtains to reveal a grey sky which leaned down on me from outside the window.  I put the kettle on and automatically reached down two coffee mugs from the shelf.  Seeing what I had done, I turned and left the room.
    I started vaguely getting ready for work, but was interrupted by the crunching footsteps of the postman as he advanced up the drive.  I picked up the scatter of letters and circulars and with a sinking feeling saw that  several were addressed to Sarah.  I supposed I ought to reply to the catalogues and charities and whoever to say could they please remove her from their mailing lists.  I had kept putting off that delightful chore, and discovered that today my motivation was no higher for ringing impersonal, professionally-cheerful customer service representatives to inform them that my wife would no longer be ordering from their company because she was, in fact, dead.
    Eventually I got into the car, and headed towards town. The Ford was so old that it still had a tape player in the dashboard, so I'd brought the mix tape with me and now slotted it in. I relived those first few anxious seconds where the tape might get chewed, but they passed, and then the sounds of Flat Beat by Mr Oizo filled the interior. What had I been thinking? It was amazing Sarah had gone out with me after this. Shaking my head, I pressed FFWD and then tried again. This time it was Blondie's Heart of Glass .
    Debbie Harry serenaded me all the way into town. Oxford is lovely in the Spring, and I was half aware of the new green leaves on the plane trees in South Parks Road as I drove back to the lab. The sun had burnt off the light rain of earlier and tourists were wandering along the still-damp pavements with their typical aimless gait, and the animal rights protestors were starting to bake in the brightening sunshine as they mounted their continual protest outside the Biology building.
     
    Once I had a love and it was divine
    Soon found out I was losing my mind
     
    You got that right, I thought, as I turned into the Cockcroft car park. There were no cars, and the bike racks were quite empty – it was out of Term, and it looked as if many of my colleagues were more interested in punting than physics today. One step onto the lab corridor, however, and Dave shuffled out of his office to see who was coming. Dave never seemed to go home,