When I'm Gone: A Novel Read Online Free Page A

letter. That was private. Without thinking, he raked his hands over his dark-blue robe, leaving off-white streaks across his chest.
    “Yeah,” was all he could think of to say. He wanted to take it back, to hide it away and make her forget she ever saw the intimate message on the other side of the paper, but it was too late. She was already reading.
    “Where did you get this?” She held it up, her voice shaking almost as much as the paper in her hand.
    He shrugged, trying to play it off as no big deal. “It came in with the daily mail.”
    “But it says day two,” Annie said, her voice getting squeaky and high-pitched. “Where is day one?” Her forehead wrinkled, her eyebrows furrowed, and her breathing grew rapid.
    Luke could see Annie’s pulse pounding on her neck from across the room, but he didn’t want to answer any questions. Usually a rational-minded engineer, he was avoiding the inevitable questions that would follow. Who? Why? How? Right now he just wanted the letter back in his pocket.
    “I have the first one.” It only took two giant steps to close the space between them. “But these are private, Annie; I’m sorry. I know you two shared everything, but I need this to be my thing with Natalie.” He put his shaking hand out. “It’s all I have left.”
    Standing this close to Annie, he noticed her red-rimmed eyes had dark circles smudged underneath. She hadn’t slept in a few days, he was certain. Natalie had always said her best friend was an expert at appearing to be okay. He’d never understood what she meant until today. The letters might help her too, but he didn’t even hesitate. Though it might be selfish, this was nonnegotiable. Natalie’s letters were for him and him alone. His hand remained open between them.
    “I’m sorry. You’re right.” Annie passed him the letter with a deep, quivering breath. She nodded, her eyes filling with tears. But she didn’t actually cry, which was a relief to Luke. He didn’t know how to comfort any more people. Hell, he was doing a lousy job comforting his own children. Annie wasn’t missing out on anything.
    He considered patting her on the shoulder until he noticed how close they were standing, foreheads almost touching, Annie’s breath rustling the hair over his ears. He stepped back across the invisible line married people wear around them when spending time with the opposite sex, folded the letter protectively, and put it back in his robe pocket.
    “I . . . I’m sorry,” Luke said gently, stumbling over his words. “It’s just . . .”
    Annie’s lips turned up in a half smile as she brushed invisible tears out of the corner of her eyes.
    “No worries.” She took a deep breath and wiped at her nose with the paper towel fragments, then glanced around the kitchen. “Let’s get these pancakes cooking, shall we?”
    Luke let out the breath he’d been holding. “All right. Let’s do this thing.”
    When Annie turned her back to look for an appropriate pan, Luke pushed the letters down deeper into his pocket. To keep them safe, he thought. But really all he wanted was a reason to touch them again because when they were in his hands, he could forget she was gone. Forever.

    Within minutes they were pumping out stacks of almost Natalie-quality pancakes. When the speckled blue platter was full of golden circles, Annie set the table with some paper plates and plastic utensils.
    “May, could you go get Will, please?” Luke asked, but when May tried to stand, she clutched her stomach.
    “Sorry, Dad, my tummy hurts. I’m so hungry.”
    “Sit down. I can get your brother.” Poor thing was starving.
    “It’s okay.” Annie helped May climb on the long bench closest to the edge of the tile. “I’ve got it covered. You get those pancakes onto plates and cut up before the kids pass out.” She pushed in May’s chair and grabbed her phone off the golden granite countertop. Luke watched her type and pause several times before she