Vulgarian Vamp (A Wendy Darlin Comedy Mystery Book 5) Read Online Free Page A

wouldn’t accidentally see it until our wedding. The way our luck ran, I wasn’t taking any chances.
    Squirl was puttering with a stack of fluffy off-white towels. She placed them in Kit’s bathroom and then sidled over to us.
    “Miss, I couldn’t help but overhear what Mr. Harker told you. There is a minister, but not here in the village. There’s a priest from the Vatican at the monastery,” Squirl said.
    She raised her brows as she mentioned Rome. “The priest arrived in the Vaticopter this morning. Lots of whirlybird noise when they dropped him off. We felt the propeller wind all the way down here.” She grinned a toothy grin.
    “He’s investigating the murders,” she said as she patted my stomach.
    Why do folks feel compelled to touch a pregnant belly? It’s not a good luck charm; it’s a body part. What would she say if I patted her boobs?
    Murders?
    Squirl lowered her voice, “Being with child, I’m not sure you should hear these ugly things, but you are bound to discover the truth.” She pulled a tiny silver cross from inside her collar and held it so I could see.
    There goes my peaceful destination wedding.
    “Who was murdered?” I squeezed her chubby cheeks with my fingers to get her to slow down and focus.
    “There’s a cemetery outside the walls of the monastery,” she nodded in the general direction of the abbey. “Some of the Loutish boys were playing among the tombstones when they found …” She hesitated as a wolf howl cut off her words.
    Shades of Mel Brooks.
    She sighed and picked up the thread, “Monks. Buried monks. Forty bodies!”
    Bump! Bump! Who the heck was providing the background music? Queen?
    Clearing my throat I took a deep breath and spoke with all the authority I could muster, “Children shouldn’t play in graveyards.” I covered my belly with my hands in hopes of blocking Little Roger’s ears. This wasn’t something a baby-in-the-womb should hear.
    Squirl was obviously one of those folks who enjoys being the bearer of scary news. “All the monks were murdered at the same time. They died at the last full moon when the Lugosi Comet appeared in the sky. The good brothers were all staked in their coffins, right through their hearts. ‘Tis very upsetting.”

Chapter Five
    I hadn’t noticed Roger slip into Kit’s room. He moved to the bed and put his arm around me. I shivered and buried my head in his shoulder.
    “There’s a Vatican priest at the monastery?” he asked.
    “I understand he’s a nice young man. Name’s something like Reverend Bram Soaker, I think,” Squirl said.
    “I’ll bet he’ll marry us,” Roger said squeezing me close. He conveniently didn’t hear the part about the dead bodies.
    “Damn it!” I shoved him away shooting him my most shriveling look. “There’s a collection of monks pinned like butterflies in their coffins, and you want some guy who has touched those corpses to join our hands in holy matrimony?”
    “Oh yeah… the bodies. Since when are you so squeamish?”
    “I’ve always been squeamish. I’ve just never found the right time to tell you.”
    He patted my hand. “You take a nap. Kit will stay here with you. I’ll just jog up the mountain to the monastery and have a chat with that Vatican priest. I’ll see what’s what. Might not be a bit of truth to the tale. When I return we’ll have a nice dinner downstairs.”
    “You are not fooling me, Roger Jolley. You want a look-see at those dead monks. I’ll not be widowed before I’m married. Besides, I want to be sure that you don’t touch anything germy. We go together or not at all.”
    “Yes, dear,” he said in his most patronizing tone.
    Roger stretched and yawned. “We could all use a little nap. I’m jet-lagged. After a snooze we’ll visit the monastery.”
    I thought I saw him wink at Kit, but it could have been a case of dry-eyes from the long flight.
    We left Kit in his room and returned to ours in time to watch a dust cloud settle on our bed.