nothing less than a bombardment. But is it an organised manoeuvre? And is Dan behind it all? Sensing a flutter between my legs and another in my stomach, I press my thighs firmly together. I wouldn’t put it past him.
‘This is him, isn’t it?’ I demand. ‘He’s sending you in one at a time.’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Dan. This is his plan of attack.’
‘There is no plan of attack.’ He sits back. ‘Nobody’s sent any of us. Whatever Lucy’s said, that’s her business. As for Lily Stupid Surname, well she was at Dan’s earlier. She’s worried about him. She asked me where you lived and I told her. I’m sorry if she put you out. Nobody asked her to come round here. And as for me, I’m just the idiot who’s going out with your flatmate. I can’t stop seeing Lucy just because you and Dan aren’t together. And I’m sorry if it bothers you, but that’s a fact you’re going to have to deal with.’
Clamping his lips together, he widens his eyes, as if to say ‘so there’ … and I feel like a fool. I’ve been put firmly in my place by an accountant. Hardly knowing what to say next, I venture a quick ‘sorry’ and then set about staring at the fridge, the window, the toaster, anything to avoid making eye contact.
‘I’m not going to harangue you about this.’ He stands up and straightens his suit. ‘You’ll make up your own mind.’
Of course I will. In fact, I already have.
‘Now, do you need Lucy’s company tonight, or would you like me to take her off your hands?’
‘Please take her off my hands,’ I reply quickly. ‘And the sooner, the better.’ Because just like Marlene Dietrich, I want to be alone.
Right on cue, Lucy skitters into the kitchen, sporting another trademark flowery dress and a heavily made-up face.
‘Did you bring the bag, Clivey?’
‘Shit.’ He scratches his forehead.
‘What do you mean shit?’
‘I forgot. Sorry. I left it on the counter in his kitchen.’
Plonking her hands on her hips, Lucy scowls at him.
‘Clive, you need to go back and get it for her.’
‘I haven’t got time to go down to Lambeth and then come back up here. The traffic’s appalling. I’ll bring it over tomorrow.’
‘She needs it today.’ She turns to me. ‘Maya, you need it today, don’t you?’
‘I can cope without it.’
‘No, you can’t. What about your pills?’
I wince. Does she really have to mention that in front of Clive?
‘I’ve only got two more to take. Besides, I don’t need them any more.’
‘You might do.’ She gives me a knowing look. ‘Clive, she needs her pills. You don’t want her up the duff, do you?’
Before I can hold it back, a full-blown shout erupts from my mouth. ‘I don’t bloody care about the bloody pill!’ Swigging back another mouthful of wine, I decide that while it was certainly enjoyable, another full-blown shout just isn’t the way ahead. Instead, I take the deepest breath possible and resolve to keep calm.
‘Ah,’ Lucy drawls. ‘That’s why you’re being the bitch from hell.’ She mouths the word ‘period’ at Clive. He blushes slightly in return. ‘So, what about your mobile? You need your mobile.’
‘I can wait for it.’
‘No you can’t.’
‘Oh, just go and get on with your bloody life, Lucy.’
Refilling the wine glass, I look up just in time to see her mouth the word ‘menstruation.’ Clive blushes again.
‘I’m not on my sodding period,’ I snarl. ‘Not yet. So just shut up about it.’
‘I’m not leaving you alone while … you know …’
‘While what? I’m on my period?’
‘No. While … while he’s around.’
Referring to Ian Boyd just once in twenty-four hours is more than enough. And now she’s gone and done it again.
‘He’s gone.’
‘I wouldn’t be so sure of that.’ She narrows her eyes. At least I think she does.