Torn Read Online Free Page A

calling me. Boys don’t call me.
    ‘Yeah, it is.’
    ‘Hi. It’s Jack – Tara’s brother.’
    I stop breathing for a second. ‘Hi.’ My voice sounds impossibly vacant.
    ‘I hope you don’t mind me calling. I saw you yesterday after …’
    ‘I’m so sorry about your sister. I don’t really know what to say.’
    He laughs, but not like he finds it funny. ‘No one does.’
    ‘Sorry. I …’
    ‘You don’t need to apologize. I’ve had enough of people apologizing. I think it’s starting to drive me a bit mental.’
    ‘Sorry.’ Now he laughs for real and I like the way it sounds – rich and warm, like the very best hot chocolate, the posh stuff Mum used to buy.
    ‘Listen, Alice, I hope you don’t mind me calling like this. It’s just, I’d really like to talk to you.’
    ‘No, of course I don’t mind, but … um … what do you want to talk about?’ The answer is obvious, but I cling to the hope that it might be something else. Anything else.
    ‘You were in Tara’s cabin on the trip, weren’t you?’
    ‘Yes. Not just me though.’ Maybe he doesn’t notice how defensive I sound.
    ‘I know, but I need to know what happened. I mean, I know what the police say. It’s just … I’d like to hear it from someone who was there. And you used to be such good friends with her … Sorry, this must be hard for you too. But maybe it would help for you to talk it through as well.’
    No. Say no. You’re too upset to talk about it. ‘OK.’
What?
No!
    ‘Thanks, Alice. I really appreciate this.’ He pauses for a second. ‘You know, I sort of missed you when you stopped coming round to our house. You were the only one of her friends who didn’t ignore me.’
    ‘I … thanks.’ He’s talking nonsense though; I
did
ignore him.
    We arrange to meet up after school on Tuesday, and then say our goodbyes.
    Shit. What am I going to do? I can’t face him. I
can’t
. It’s one thing pretending in front of Dad and everyone at school. But he’s her
brother
. I can’t just lie to his face. He’ll know something’s up. And it’s not right. He deserves to know the truth. But he never will. We promised. We ALL promised.
    There’s no way I can go through with it. I was just too taken aback and cowardly to tell him. I’ll call him on Tuesday and say I’m ill or something. Yes. That’s what I’ll do. It’ll be fine.

     
    Cass texts me later:
Soooooo bored! When u coming over?
    It’s easier for me to go rather than have to explain why I don’t want to. Not sure that my reasons would go down too well …
I’m kind of knackered cos a dead girl keeps hounding me. You see, she wants to find out exactly why she died and for some reason she wants me to talk to you about it and I really REALLY don’t want to.
    So I hop on the tube and arrive at Cass’s just as they’re clearing away dinner. Her brother is home from uni for the weekend. I used to have the biggest crush on Matt, but I never told Cass. She’d have taken the piss something chronic. Anyway, the crush has faded now. He smells funny, and I don’t like the way he looks at me. He
leers
. I’m pretty sure he never used to leer.
    Cass drags me up to her room and launches into a full-on tirade about how annoying her brothers are and how she can’t wait to leave home and how she can’t wait for Matt to go back to uni tomorrow and why does he have to come home so often anyway. I’m semi-sympathetic. Three brothers is really more than anyone should have to cope with. Tom’s OK though – as far as I can tell he hardly ever leaves his room. And Jeremy is cute as anything. But he won’t be six years old forever. It’s only a matter of time before he grows into a big stinking leering oaf like Matt. Still, I wouldn’t mind having at least one annoying sibling to keep me company sometimes. There will be no one to make a speech like Jack’s at my funeral. Jack. I wonder if I should tell Cass about Jack.
    I tune back in and Cass is moaning about dirty