Ties That Bind Read Online Free Page A

every six months or so I’d go through a bout of depression that would last a few days. I’d always bounce back, but if I didn’t get answers to my questions surrounding my birth and my adoption I’d always have this pattern of happiness and depression creeping into our lives.

Chapter Five
     
     
    Holidays were particularly bad for me. You’d think I would be happy surrounded by three beautiful children, a loving husband, and the family dog. However, I wasn’t. I wished for grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins for my kids. No matter what Charles would say to try and convince me we were blessed, I was always looking for more.
    Aunt Toots, Margie, and Annie were in the first two kids’ lives, but they were getting up in years, and by the time number three came along they’d passed away.
    On Aunt Margie’s deathbed, I asked her if she knew who my real parents were. She swore to me she didn’t. If she did, she took the big secret to her grave.
    After their deaths, I was given a black metal box. I remembered seeing that box in my parent’s home.
    As I thought about the black box, I also remembered my daddy made it out of some sort of tin material. It was crudely made, but it was fireproof and had a latch and a handle.
    Inside it held two copies of the article that ran in the local Sioux City paper regarding me, a glossy bookmark style obituary of Irma, and the obituary from my dad. Also in the box were some trinkets; a ring that appeared to be homemade, dog tags, and my dad’s social security card.
    Along with those items, I inherited a few picture albums as well. I opened each one and the story of me, and my family unfolded; starting in Iowa and ending in California.
    In addition to photos of my family and I, there were pictures of Daddy when he was a young boy, and even some of a young girl who I would later find out was Irma.
    I guess my aunts wanted to make sure I had some mementos of a happier time. Among the photos was one with Spunky and me, one with my cat, Joe Louis, and me and one with Mother and Daddy. There were also pictures of me as an infant, a toddler, and as a young teen. I’d forgotten all about them.
    That was it. This was all that was left of my legacy - some old dog tags, a ring and some old photos. I tossed everything back in the box and put the box up in my closet.
    I’d had flashbacks of my younger years in Iowa. I recalled some good times with my dad, and I remembered some not so good times with my mother. One of the bad memories I had was when my mother let me know that all I was really being kept around for was my dad’s social security check. I was too young at the time to really understand that, but years later Aunt Toots and Margie told me that Irma would boast about the money she received monthly. It was, in fact, my check that I was entitled to because I was a minor. I never saw a dime.
    Irma would buy me boy looking clothes from the thrift store, and many times I’d go to bed hungry. She didn’t care about sharing any of that money with me. She made sure that she had enough to get her hair done, buy her alcohol, and of course, I don’t think Teresa, my dearest sister, went without much.
    These awful memories are what made it hard to forgive Irma for the dreadful life I had. My heart was full of hate. I didn’t know a lot of things, but I knew if I didn’t relieve myself of all the pent up anger and hate I had for them it would be my demise.
     
    ***
     
    I was sitting alone in the living room. The children were in school and Charles was at the office. I retrieved the old black box from our closet and held Daddy’s dog tags in my hands. I placed the metal ring on my finger. It was too big; probably made for a man or a woman with a fat finger, maybe Irma, I wondered, or perhaps Teresa’s mother.
    It was during quiet times like this that my mind wandered, and I began to recall times in Iowa.
    One of Daddy’s favorite past times was making moonshine. I saw him make it all