fear me, because this packet got to you on Monday and now it’s Thursday and I’m still here. In hell. Swigging NyQuil-spiked Red Bull and watching
Aguirre, the Wrath of God
, alone. For the fourth time this week. With the blinds drawn and the heat up.
A faint metronomic chirping in my temples, a contrapuntal twitching under my ribs.
I’m falling.
I need to get out more.
“Rob” needs friends.
6.
[Via satellite]
“Active Angel?”
“Present.”
“Sabrina Grant. My PIN is 765432.”
“Consecutive numbers. Not a prudent password.”
“If someone’s that desperate to steal some free advice, then be my guest. And take my problems, too. My cable bills, my cramps, my Nordstrom card, my eye-surgeon ex who won’t stop leaving messages, the lease on my shitty new Hyundai—”
“Take a breath, dear. Excellent. Another one. Your systolic’s just fine, but your diastolic scares us.”
“I think something’s happening to me. I’m not sure, though. It might be happening to everyone.”
“‘Always Willing, Always at Your Side.’”
“What? You went all choppy suddenly.”
“You must be standing near a microwave.”
“I’m at a friend’s, Colonel Geoff’s. He doesn’t own one. Could a Crock-Pot do it?”
“Unlikely, but why not step back from it in any case.”
“I’m glad I got a woman. I like your…pace. Do you work with a guy named Kent Selkirk, by any chance? Medium height? Sharp chin with lots of shaving cuts?”
“Is he based in North Platte?”
“Where’s that?”
“Where I’m based.”
“No. Hey, can you hang on for half a sec?
It’s not done cooking, Colonel Geoff. You should have soaked the beans first. They’re rock hard. Just work on your list and I’ll help you when I’m through.
You there still?”
“I can’t break off unless you ask me to. And not even then, if I feel that you’re at risk.”
“Is it safe for my friend to bleed himself each morning? Not a huge amount, just a spoonful, roughly.”
“That’s your question for me?”
“It’s my first one. Things are kind of piling up these days.”
“Just a moment, darling. Searching. Reading. In most cases, if performed in sterile conditions, the practice is physiologically benign, unless it becomes compulsive or disfiguring. Barring that, certain ancient medical authorities believed it to be an invigorating regimen.”
“Colonel Geoff learned it out in Malibu, he said. The stars do it. All the freakjobs on TV. He told me it regulates insulin production and helps you lose weight. Thing is, he’s thin already. The mucous membranes inside his mouth and throat, they’re peeling, they’re chapped. They rub off if he chews solids. They thought it was lupus at first, but now that’s out and they’re saying it’s something that jumps from person to person, but not through the bodily fluids or whatever, but maybe—please tell me if this is even possible—through talking a lot.”
“Infection via speech?”
“‘Prolonged repeated intensive conversation.’ He’s bat-shit, right?”
“I’m searching. Nothing here.”
“Would you look something up? ‘The Unbinding.’ Type those words in. Just for the heck of it. Anything?”
“Not yet.”
“Don’t sweat it. It’s just some phrase that he’s grabbed onto. It’s like when you’re six and you learn to say ‘unique’ and suddenly your teacher is ‘unique,’ your cat’s ‘unique,’ your bike’s ‘unique….’”
“To whom are we referring, dear?”
“This sick old marine whose place I’m at today. I’d tell you his whole warped story but he’d kill me. I’m not supposed to be making calls from here. He’s phobic. No phone, no TV, no Internet. I think it’s the pills. Or the bleeding. Still no luck?”
“‘The Unbinding’? Not a thing.”
“Shoot. I was hoping you’d say it’s from the Bible. I’ve been thinking it sounds like something from the Bible.”
“To young people who’ve never read it, most