The Stranger's Woes Read Online Free Page A

chair than off, placing my feet on Sir Juffin Hully’s sacred desk, and imbibing an endless stream of kamra. The poor couriers would be running their feet flat, beating a path to the Glutton and back.
    Relief came just in time. Kurush was pecking listlessly at his third pastry. His fondness for sweets seemed to be diminishing. At about the same time, I was beginning to fear that I might explode. Just then, in the doorway appeared the object of my long-standing envy: the splendid nose of Captain Shixola. He was on tenterhooks, awaiting my detailed report about our visit to the deathbed of General Boboota Box, Chief of Public Order.
    I beamed at him. “Come in, come in. I can offer you a sea of kamra and some good news.”
    “You aren’t busy, Sir Max?” the owner of the nose inquired tactfully.
    “See for yourself,” I said, grinning. “I’m swamped. The kamra is tepid, the mug heavy, and there’s no end in sight to this hard manual labor. Don’t you feel for me?”
    Captain Shixola finally appeared in full. In spite of his unusual height and athletic build, he still seemed like an unnecessary afterthought to his own fathomless nose.
    “But where is Sir Kamshi? Maybe he finally wore himself out with worry and headed for the Xuron to put a watery end to it. Too bad. Hope is supposed to die last.”
    “He’s so tired after the last few days that he no longer cares. He just went home to sleep.”
    Shixola had the habit of responding to my wildest statements with a half-smile. It was universally applicable to all situations. If I was really joking—well, here’s a smile for you. But if that Sir Max uttered something unbelievably stupid or outrageous—well, it wasn’t a real smile after all.
    “Okay,” I said. “Let him sleep. Looks like you’ll be the one to get all the good news. And all the kamra, too. I can’t bear to look at it anymore, much less drink it.”
    “That’s what Max always says,” said Kurush. “Then he orders another jug of it. You people are extraordinarily contradictory creatures.”
    “You got that right, smarty,” I said. Then I turned to Shixola again. “You owe me one, my friend.”
    “Do you mean that General Boboota—”
    “You wouldn’t even recognize him! He’s the sweetest-tempered, most soft-spoken person on earth. He doesn’t speak above a whisper. Is he always like that at home?”
    “Quite the contrary. Lady Ulima is the only one who can tame him, and only half the time at that. But you know yourself how he treats us, Sir Max.”
    “Yes. What happened tonight was truly beyond belief. When the conversation turned to toilets, he inquired whether the subject was too shocking for us.”
    “That really is beyond belief,” Shixola said, looking bewildered. “Is it possible he has changed that much?” He clearly couldn’t believe his luck.
    “Well, if I were you I wouldn’t hold my breath. It might just be the consequences of the poisoning. And he has every chance of fully recovering. Be that as it may, for now the Dark Magicians are on your side. Boboota himself decided not to return to work for another dozen or so days. And after my little song and dance, Lady Ulima will keep him at home until Midyear’s Day, I think.”
    “Sir Max, it’s no wonder you’re the stuff of legend around here. You—”
    “What kinds of legends are they telling about me, Shixola?” I said, interrupting him.
    “Oh my, hasn’t Sir Kofa told you?” He was quite perplexed. “I can’t repeat these silly things in front of Kurush.”
    “Don’t worry. I’m asleep,” the buriwok said dryly.
    I laughed. Kurush may be the wisest of birds, but the things he comes out with sometimes! Too much exposure to people can’t lead to any good, it seems.
    “You see? Kurush is asleep. And I need to hear the bitter truth, so spit it out. Sir Kofa only wanted to spare my feelings.”
    “Well, they say you are Sir Juffin Hully’s illegitimate son,” Shixola said, after some hesitation.