The Sniper's Wife Read Online Free Page A

ambivalence of being back in the fold. He wondered if erstwhile prisoners of Alcatraz felt the same way when they returned as ancient tourists.
    The air had turned cooler and felt good against his forehead. He was hot and slightly dizzy, still teetering over the abyss between his past—exemplified by this city and the body in the morgue—and what he’d once thought was his future, but which all of a sudden was feeling impossibly remote. He stood on the sidewalk struggling to make sense of this time warp, worrying that the weight of the past would prove too heavy to shake off.
    The smart thing would have been to get back in his car then and there and return to Vermont. He’d signed the morgue’s paperwork on the way out. The police and other authorities would be satisfied with his service and would know where to find him in any case. He could even make arrangements for Mary’s disposal long-distance, perhaps shipping her to her mother as a small poetic gesture.
    But he knew he wouldn’t be doing any of that. He’d known it on the drive down. Mary’s death had made clear the need to settle issues he’d tried to abandon by escaping New York, but which had continued to cripple him as surely as any rifle bullet.
    The real question, therefore, wasn’t whether he would stay in the city to discover what had pushed Mary to virtual suicide. It was whether the small glimmerings of hopefulness he’d recently been acquiring in Vermont would be strong enough to fight the undertow he could already feel tugging at his ankles.
    He shivered and pulled his light coat tighter around his neck. The twilight season between winter and summer was hard to call spring in a world of concrete and steel. The days were pleasantly warm, but the nights still held a snow-sharpened edge. Burying his hands in his pockets, he set off toward the Lower East Side, some thirty blocks to the south.
    The decision to walk had immediate benefits. It put him in motion, it let him blow off steam, and it took him outside of his own head, a place he knew wasn’t the healthiest of environments. In a telling paradox, however, walking these streets helped resurrect memories he’d been struggling to suppress since hitting the city limits.
    He’d grown up in New York, near the George Washington Bridge at the north end of Manhattan. He knew these urban sounds and moods in particular, and was familiar with the almost organic energy that seeped from the city’s pavements like a steady pulse, twenty-four hours a day. Alone in the middle of a darkened street, you knew you were amid a huge number of people. You could almost hear their collective breathing.
    And despite the sterility implied in the “concrete canyons” of lore, there were as many smells to this world as might linger in any rain forest. As he strode along, reacquainting himself with the rhythm of the evenly spaced city blocks, ignoring the metronomically regular pedestrian crosswalk signs in favor of what the traffic was really doing, Willy Kunkle picked up dozens of odors, some sour, some surprisingly sweet, most reminiscent of food, cooking or rotting, depending on his proximity to restaurant or alleyway. Most surprising was the occasional whiff of grass or silage, a furtive gift from an elusive Mother Nature.
    Willy had walked such streets as a beat cop, fresh out of the academy, both proud and nervous to be in uniform, conscious of the heavy .38 bumping his hip, and honing the sarcastic, tough-guy demeanor he’d used defensively at home and which would become his trademark. He instinctively sought the company of the rougher crowd at the precinct, the guys who bent the rules and made sure the law was enforced to their own best advantage—the bullies and braggarts who in later years would turn his stomach and rank among his favorite targets.
    It seemed so long ago now, before he went to Vietnam, before the booze he began sharing with those same men became more than a social habit, before he fled to