The Slam Read Online Free Page B

are?” Adelaide’s entire face lit up. “Oh, how fascinating! Paleontology—that’s what I plan to major in!” Propping her elbows on the counter, she studied Natasha with curious eyes. “So tell me, do you eat insect larvae, lizards, beetles, frogs, ferns, and cattails?”
    Natasha’s jaw slackened. “Of course not! I only eat food that could have been hunted and gathered by cavemen. Which means I eat meat, fish, and vegetables. Lots of vegetables and…” She turned her nose up at the bagels. “I avoid gluten at all costs!”
    “But,” Adelaide countered. “Most vegetables today didn’t exist in the Paleolithic era. As with our modern eating habits, diets in the Paleolithic era would have varied widely according to location. Groups who settled in desert locales would have had no access to fish and probably had little meat to eat. They mainly ate small game like mice and rats, even frogs and insects.” She took a bite of her bagel and added, “As for gluten, there is archeological evidence that prehistoric man ate proto-wheat and barley, quantities of cereal grains, and high numbers of grass seeds as well.”
    “And?” Natasha rolled her eyes. “Your point?”
    “Eat what works for you, that’s fine,” Adelaide said not unkindly. Getting to her feet, she poured herself a cup of coffee. “But I wouldn’t go around saying it’s because of what our Paleo ancestors ate, unless you know what they actually ate.”
    “It’s healthier!” Natasha said self-importantly. “And it helps me maintain my figure.”
    “Well,” Adelaide said thoughtfully. “It’s difficult to prove that prehistoric man was somehow healthier than his modern counterparts. After all, most children died before the age of fifteen, and only rarely did adults reach past forty. And a recent study revealed alarmingly high rates of atherosclerosis, or hardened arteries in ancient mummies, casting doubt on the theory that our forbearers had much healthier lives than we do now.”
    Natasha stood there, speechless, staring at Adelaide as though she’d just sprouted a third head.
    “Oh! How rude of me!” Adelaide held up the coffee pot and said, “Would anyone like some coffee?”
    “I’d like some,” I said.
    “Me, too!” Edric chimed in.
    “I only drink water,” Natasha informed her. “The caveman diet did not consist of coffee.”
    “You’re right. Of course it didn’t.” Adelaide poured two cups of coffee. “Our Paleo ancestors drank river water and lake water.” A pause. “Hmm. I see what you mean now…”
    “What?” Natasha hissed, agitation creeping into her voice. “What I mean about what?”
    Calmly, I reached for my cup of coffee and took a sip, curious what Adelaide was about to say next.
    “About maintaining your figure,” she said in a matter-of-fact tone. “Giardia is great for weight loss! The microscopic parasites work almost as well as tapeworms. Not to mention, dehydration from diarrhea is totally natural!”
    I choked, coughed, and coffee sputtered out of my mouth.
    A look of horror came across Natasha’s face. Staring open-mouthed, she sent me a look that said, Why is she still talking?!? Why?
    Blissfully unaware of Natasha’s wrath, Adelaide happily chatted away. “I think the biggest mistake the Paleo diet has ever made is calling itself Paleo.”
    “Yesssssss!” Edric pumped his fist in the air. “I agree! I pick out food based on a simple philosophy—if it doesn’t have any nutritional value, I don’t eat it. And guess what, people? It results in a diet that’s similar to the Paleo diet… meat, fruits, veggies, and minimal carbs. Five years ago, that was just called eating healthy. Now I get lumped in with all these assholes.” He chuckled.
    His laughter began to peter out when he realized his girlfriend was sending him daggers. “Asshole?” Natasha muttered mutinously. “Did you just call me an asshole just because I’m on the Paleo diet?”
    I drained my cup of coffee and