The Sinner Read Online Free Page B

goodbye to the child. She wanted to do so in peace,
not in the immediate proximity of a bimbo who was all too vividly
demonstrating where she herself had failed.
    "They might at least turn the music down," she said. "Loud
music is forbidden here."
    Gereon looked scornful. "It'll be forbidden to breathe here soon.
Don't get all worked up about nothing. I'm enjoying that music.
I'm enjoying what goes with it too. At least she's got some fire
down below."
    She ignored this. Clasping the child in one arm, she picked up
the red fish with her free hand. It soothed her and did her good,
the feeling of his warm, firm body bundled up in its nappy and
little white pants, the plump arm around her neck and the baby
face so close to her own.
    He flinched when she reached the lakeshore and put him down
in the shallows. He'd been sitting in the heat for so long, the water
felt cold. After a moment or two he squatted down and looked
up at her. She handed him the red fish and he dunked it in the
water.
    He was a quiet, good-looking child. He didn't speak much,
although lie had a relatively large vocabulary and could express
himself clearly in short sentences. "I'm hungry." - "Papa has to
work." - "Grandma is making blancmange." - "That's Mama's
bed."
    One Sunday morning shortly after they moved into their own
house, when he was just a year old, she had taken him into her bed.
He went back to sleep in her arms, and holding him had imparted
a sensation of warmth and intimacy.
    Now, as she stood looking down at his slender white back, at the
little hand wiggling the red fish in the water, the bowed head and
almost white hair, the delicate little neck, that feeling returned. If
there hadn't already been reasons enough, she would have done it
for him alone, so that he could grow up free and unencumbered.
She crouched down beside him and kissed him on the shoulder. He smelled clean and fresh from the suntan oil Gereon had rubbed
into him while she was in the water.

    She stood beside him in the shallows for half an hour, forgetful of
the couple on the green blanket, forgetful of everything that might
have disrupted their leave-taking. Then the lido gradually emptied.
It was nearing six o'clock, and she realized that the time had come.
If she hadn't had the child with her she would have swum out
into the lake without wasting another thought on Gereon, but she
couldn't bring herself to leave the helpless toddler alone on the
lakeshore. He might have waded in after her.
    She picked him up in her arms again, feeling the chill of his little
legs and wet pants through her swimsuit and his firm, plump arm
around her neck. He was holding the red fish by the tail.
    She saw as she drew nearer that nothing on the green blanket had
changed. The music was playing as loudly as before. One couple
was sitting there, chatting away without any physical contact, the
other lying down again.
    Taking no notice of them, she changed the little boy into a clean
nappy and dry underpants. Just as she was about to go, she was
detained once more.
    The child said: "I'm hungry."
    A couple of minutes here or there wouldn't matter. She was
totally focused on these last few moments with her son. "What
would you like," she asked, "a yoghurt, a banana, a biscuit or an
apple?"
    He cocked his head as though seriously debating her question.
`An apple," he said. So she resumed her seat and took an apple
and the little fruit knife from her shoulder bag.

    In her absence, Gereon had moved her chair so that she no longer
had her back to the blanket but was sideways on. That way, he
could see past her more easily. He was sitting there with his legs
extended and his hands folded on his stomach, pretending to look
at the lake. In reality, he was leering at the blonde bimbo's breasts.

    He was bound to choose himself a bimbo like that when she'd
gone, she reflected. The thought should have infuriated her, but
it didn't even sadden her. The part