The Ninth Step Read Online Free Page B

them larger than a pencil eraser. Edgar could hardly believe someone would be willing to sell it.
    “There is no way I can let this one slide by.”
    “So go ahead and bid on it.”
    “Unh-uh. No way. You know my method.”
    “Christ, Edgar. What about the iPhone I got you for your birthday? Can’t you browse the web on it?”
    “True. But I have to keep my eye on the time.” Edgar preferred to place his bids in the last few seconds of an auction. He felt that placing an early bid drew attention to a listing and lessened his chances of getting a good deal. “I could do it on the phone browser, but the satellite connection might have a lag. I’d rather do it from home.”
    “Surely you can adjust for the nanosecond of delay.” Judy approached her husband and reknotted his tie for him. “I’ll make it worth your while.”
    “Oh yeah?”
    “Yeah.” She grabbed hold of the tie, pulled him down to her, and whispered in his ear.
    Edgar’s eyes got big, and he said, “Isn’t that illegal?”
    “Not if you’re married.”

6
GOD FORBID, A BARFLY
    Her eyes bright and alert, Helen stared at the bartender, Chuck, who was pointedly ignoring her.
    Outside, the green neon sign that read
Smitty’s
ticked and burped into life as the last of the daylight drained from the sky.
    Smitty’s was on Helen’s regular rotation. She made it a rule never to patronize any given bar more than once a month, lest she be identified as a regular, or, God forbid, a barfly. She had been avoiding Smitty’s for a while now, but she had spotted people she knew in the last three places she had tried.
    Helen drummed her fingers on the bar top, cleared her throat, even waved at the man, but it was obvious she was being frozen out.
    She thought about Mitzi at home. Since she didn’t know ifthe dog was a furniture chewer, or how she would be with the cats, Helen had put her in the garage, where it would be dry and warm, with plenty of food and water and a blanket to sleep on. But, really, she should probably have stayed home and helped with the adjustment. The dog was probably scared and nervous. Helen decided that she should just do her drinking at home tonight. She would rather be with her animals. She opened her purse and retrieved her car keys. When she looked up from her purse, the bartender was standing in front of her, staring. She forgot about the animals.
    “What?” Helen asked.
    The bartender just kept giving her the look.
    “What? It couldn’t have been that bad. I mean, the place is still standing, right?”
    The stare was all she got in return.
    “Chuck, c’mon. Was it really that bad? I’m what? Five-five, a hundred and thirty pounds soaking wet? Seriously, how bad could it have been?”
    Chuck wasn’t going to give in.
    “Okay. Okay. I’m sorry. All right? I’m sorry. Honestly. I’m sorry.” Helen touched the bartender’s arm and gave him her brightest smile.
    “Last chance,” the man said, and set her up.

7
ABOUT DAMN TIME
    He was one of those waiters who made a show out of not writing down orders but relying solely on memory. Edgar found such waitstaff worrisome, but he put it out of his mind and answered the question Judy had asked him moments before.
    “Maybe it’s because I got picked on a lot at that age,” he said. “I don’t know. I guess he just, I don’t know.”
    “Reminds you of yourself?”
    “Minus the Goth hair, yes, I guess he does.”
    “I know somebody else who’s going to remind you of yourself.”
    “Future tense?”
    Judy nodded.
    “Are you kidding? No, of course you’re not kidding.”
    Judy giggled so loud some of the other diners turned to look.
    “I’m sure the fertility treatments finally worked. The odds were in our favor. I know it’s been years, but statistically the numbers expanded expo—”
    “Statistically, Edgar, you knocked me up. And it was about damn time.”

8
KARMA AND ITS
CHAMELEON-LIKE QUALITIES
    Helen squinted through the haze at the man at the end of