The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant Read Online Free Page B

written in the early 1990s, the primary reference for the American Psychiatric Association was the DSM IIIr (Diagnostic Statistical Manual, third edition, revised). This “learned tome” was not at all kind to us, holding that to seek either sexual submission or dominance was a treatable disorder. (Of course, they termed it either Sexual Masochism or Sexual Sadism, bringing in a different kettle of fish.) Interestingly enough, according to DSM IIIr, it was all right to simply have these fantasies, but seeking them out that made one a candidate for the place with the latex wallpaper.
    A person could dream of going to a loving leather-clad woman. He could burn in his bed each night with unslaked desire for the hug of the rope and the kiss of the whip. However, one trip down to Mistress Harsh’s House of Loving Leather made him a potential resident of the laughing academy.
    Intent was immaterial. In the view of the authors, someone who pleased his or her lover with a bit of erotic spanking was lumped right along with a creep setting fire to kittens.
    Fortunately, through the efforts of kink activists and kink-friendly therapists lead by the author/ activist Race Bannon, DSM IV presented us in a much better light. Now, to be treatable, we must either be disturbed by our desires or have those desires take over our worlds to the point where they disrupt out daily lives.
    Even Madonna has a theory about why we like what we like. In an interview with Newsweek magazine, she suggested that her sexuality may stem from her Catholic upbringing and is quoted as saying, “When I was growing up, there were certain things people did for penance; I know people who slept on coat hangers or kneeled on uncooked rice on the floor…and as for me, I think somehow things got really mixed up. There was some ecstasy involved in that.
    “And the whole idea of crucifixion – a lot of that, the idea of being tied up. It is surrendering yourself to someone. I’m fascinated by it. I mean, there is a lot of pain-equals- pleasure in the Catholic church, and that is also associated with bondage and S&M.”
    From the index cards of a 19th century cataloger to the musings of the Material Girl herself, this is a sample from the varied buffet table of psychological explanations of BDSM – or to be more precise, Sadism and Masochism. You are free to pick and choose as it pleases you.
    Suggested Reading:
    S&M: Studies in Sadomasochism (Thomas Weinberg ed.) Different Loving (Brame, Brame & Jacobs)
    Why would someone want to be submissive?
    For myself, I believe that many submissives are strong people who are taking a vacation from their responsibilities. By giving their considerable power to others, they benefit from the aphrodisiac of contrast. To shift, willingly, from powerful to powerless gives their libidos extraordinary jolts.
    This erotic nature of contrast may explain why, during the many years I spent in Asia, I never encountered what I considered a truly submissive woman. Most women in Asian cultures are steeped in submission; it is not a choice, nor is it a change. For me, the fire was missing from their submission. They got no more of a sensual charge from their submission than American women get from signaling a cab or buying a meal.
    Many of the submissives I have talked to find that their attraction to the scene is based largely on this contrast between having power and control and releasing themselves to simply experience powerlessness at the hands of another whom they trust. Almost everyone knows the sheer joy of coming home after a hard day’s work and slipping off the wingtips or high heels and putting on a well-worn pair of slippers. Many submissives simply carry it a step further and slip off the entire business-mandated Type A personality to submit to a trusted dominant.
    There is a misunderstanding on the part of some wannabe doms and many in the vanilla public about the essence of submission. Part of the fault is our phrasing. We