The Minnesota Candidate Read Online Free Page B

known inside the
family as Lumpy, approached with his two preschool aged boys. Tom
couldn’t remember their names, but he was grateful for the
interruption. Larry walked up to Shari and introduced myself.
“Welcome to the family,” he said, grinning like a used car
salesman. “I’m Lumpy, I suppose Fat Tommy has told you all about
me. Don’t believe a word of it, that’s all I’m sayin’. These are my
boys, Pete and Bobby. Boys, say hello to Fat Tommy’s new wife.”
    The younger boy stuck out his hand and Shari
warmly accepted it. “I’m Bobby,” he said, smiling shyly. “I’m happy
to meet you.”
    “Oh, isn’t that sweet?” asked Shari. She then
turned to the other boy. “And you must be Pete.”
    “Daddy says you talk like Popeye,” said the
little boy. “Why do you do that?”
    Shari stood up and turned her back on the boys.
Tom pointed at Lumpy and hooked his thumb high into the air. Lumpy
gave Tom an apologetic look and quickly ushered his boys away.
“What a terrible thing to say,” said Doris, crossing her arms
across her bosom. “I’m sorry, dear.”
    Shari turned around and Tom was happy to see
that she wasn’t crying. “Don’t worry about it,” she said, “I’m used
to people saying things like that.”
    Tom watched in fury as Lumpy gave Crazy Steve
his Popeye imitation. Both men laughed as if it was the funniest
thing since the rubber chicken, unaware that Tom was watching them.
There was a humming sound from the water and Tom began sprinting to
the dock. Someone had started the Chris-Craft.

    Somehow, they made it through the evening. Shari
ordered ten large pizzas from Domino’s and set out two cases of her
favorite Moscato, while Tom kept a close eye on what he considered
to be the worst of the lot. They drank and ate and shared stories.
Many of these stories were highly embarrassing to Tom. At midnight,
despite several protests from the party animal segment of the
family, Tom called Yellow Cab and ordered another fleet of taxis.
By 1:00 Monday morning, Tom and Shari were snug in their bed.
    They talked for nearly another hour. Shari
surprised Tom by telling him how much she enjoyed their night. She
confessed that she thought his family was full of warm, colorful
characters; the kind of big extended family that she had always
dreamed of belonging to. The only thing she hadn’t liked was the
way everyone had called him Fat Tommy. Tom responded by telling her
that she didn’t know that group like he did, but she seemed unfazed
by the warning. Secretly, Tom had been impressed by how well the
night had gone. There were no fist fights and as far as they could
tell, nothing was missing. He was still angry with his mom. She had
known exactly what she was doing, even if her scheme had seemingly
failed.

    Back home in Northeast Minneapolis, Doris
Picacello fell asleep to her favorite Dean Martin album. She smiled
even as she snored, content in the knowledge that she had planted
plenty of bad seeds in Tommy’s new life.

Chapter 3

    Early the following morning, Tom and Shari were
up, showered, and out of the house. Shari surprised Tom with yet
another secret, this one being a Mercedes Benz M-Class ML350. “You
can have it,” she said. “I never drive it and it’s a four wheel
drive, so I know you’ll be safe when it snows.”
    Again, Tom was at a loss for words. He had never
owned an SUV; in fact, he had never owned a vehicle that had been
produced in this century. “Thank you,” he said, feeling tremendous
gratitude, but also feeling like kind of a schlep. He wasn’t used
to any of this, not the house or the gifts, not the way of life,
and he wanted Shari to know that she was what was important, not
her money. He constantly reminded her of that, even as they spent
the day upgrading his wardrobe. The shopping spree was unlike any
that Tom had ever experienced. Instead of buying one item at a
time, Shari bought them by the dozen. Finally, Tom put up his hands
and told her that