The Makedown Read Online Free Page B

attempted to seduce Nut, I met Harry in quantum physics. Technically, we didn’t meet in class but at Denny’s, studying over hash browns and eggs.
    “Hey, can I borrow your ketchup?”
    “Sure,” I said, barely looking up from my physics textbook.
    “You’ve got Professor Shapiro with me.”
    The shock at someone’s noticing me in a class and admitting to it outside of that class was enough to render the chapter I was reading on eigenvalue incomprehensible, so I shifted my focus to that someone. Of course, he was exceptionally unattractive, his poreless complexion notwithstanding. “Yeah, I do. I’m cramming for tomorrow. I’m a little nervous,” I confided.
    “I made flash cards; want me to quiz you?” It was the most romantic thing anyone had ever said to me. Harry joined me at my booth and immediately flagged the waitress.
    “We’ll have two deluxe breakfasts and a side of fries with ranch dressing.”
    I loved that he knew to order ranch dressing with the french fries. The synchronicity of our relationship continued when we learned we grew up two counties away from each other in Ohio. What more could we want in a partner? We both loved to study. We both loved to eat. And considering our lack of options, we both deemed that enough.
    Unlike our hormonally crazed peers, ours wasn’t a highly sexual relationship. Occasionally, we kissed with tongue, but we didn’t go much further than that. Harry may have grazed my boob while leaning for the Lay’s ruffled-cut potato chips, but that hardly counted as second base.
    Two weeks before graduation, Harry and I watched
Star Trek: Voyager
while doing whipped cream shots. As I lifted the canister to my mouth and squirted a load, Harry turned to me with a serious expression. “I really like you, Anna, but if we don’t have sexual intercourse soon, I fear I could turn to . . . porn,” Harry said shamefully.
    “Porn?” I asked with surprise.
    “Yeah, and I’m talking about the hard stuff,” Harry said, averting his eyes.
    Porn clearly held a much more negative connotation for Harry than me. Having grown up with Barney, I assumed that all men spent most of their waking hours trolling the Web for nudie pictures. “Well, I certainly don’t want to be the girl who drove you to porn,” I remarked dryly.
    “So you’ll do it?”
    “Yeah, okay.”
    “Right now?”
    “Um, sure.”
    “You don’t need any prep time?”
    “No, do you?”
    “I don’t think so,” Harry said, unsure of himself. “Well, maybe a minute to get a mint and a . . . condom.”
    “Good thinking; can I have one as well?” I asked before quickly clarifying, “A mint, that is. Why would I need my own condom?” I was pretty sure I wouldn’t need one, but to be honest, I was not positive how the mechanics of sex worked.
    Harry ignored me and grinned. “I’m so excited to do it.”
    I smiled back gamely, but I can’t say that I shared his enthusiasm for sex. It was more that I was about to turn twenty-three and I was embarrassed by my virgin status. Women are more like men than they realize, or at least dorky women are.
    “Should I turn off the TV?” Harry asked as he popped an Altoid.
    “No, leave it on,” I said strategically, knowing a little eye candy in the form of Tom Paris would be helpful. Five minutes later, it was over. It was surprisingly painless and inconsequential. I didn’t feel like a woman. I didn’t have an orgasm. I didn’t even take my bra off. However, on the bright side, I didn’t graduate a virgin. Perhaps I did have an FG after all. Technically, she had delivered a boyfriend and sex. Maybe she just needed her meds increased or her glasses fixed. A farsighted FG— it kind of made sense, in a pathetic sort of way.
    Within a few weeks of graduation, both Harry and I returned to our parents’ homes in Ohio. Harry still hadn’t found a job to his liking, while I was lucky enough to have been offered an apprenticeship in the lab at Werner Research