The Lonely Read Online Free Page B

that’s hers. I
feel sicker that she's okay with it.
    She
changes the subject back to my dinner, "So, he saved you and then bought
you a dinner at an OCD restaurant. This guy is the real deal of sweet and
romantic. He never even tried anything?"
    I'm
almost disappointed when I say it, "No."
    "Wish
he had?" Her glossy lips turn up into a grin.
    I
grin, "No." I don’t sound convincing.
    She
laughs, "Stuart tried. Oh my god that man is hot. No shirt and it's like
wow. Wow. So beautiful."
    "He's
a ninja."
    She
arches an eyebrow and then looks back down at her work, "For real?"
    I
look at my toes and beam, "Thanks. Yeah, for real. He's like a badass
ninja. He told me he was anyway. I mean he could be lying. But I think he kinda
looks like a ninja, ya know?" I flick her, "And not because he's from
Wichita, crazy-ass, racist woman."
    She
sticks her tongue out, "Are Japanese people even ninjas?"
    I
furrow my brow, "He told you, he's not Japanese. He's from Kansas."
    She
wrinkles her nose in a cute sort of way, "I know. Have you heard him talk
all twangy? It's so hot. I love him."
    I
shake my head and lie back on my bed, waiting for my toes to dry. "You're
a dork."
    "I'm
a horny dork, Em. I needs me some ninja loving. You mind if I go get it on? You
promise you'll be okay?"
    I
look at the ceiling and laugh, "Yeah. I got Netflix today for the Xbox
that you called a need and not a want. I'll watch that." My stomach hurts
as soon as she says it, but I can't expect her to spend her entire year locked
in here with me.
    She
jumps up and runs out the door, "Love you smoochie."
    My
phone vibrates. I sigh, and pick it up.
    "Hi."
I answer.
    "You
don’t go to restaurants with boys you don’t clear with me first." His tone
is harsher than normal. Not so quiet.
    "I
didn’t. You knew what I was doing."
    His
voice echoes a bit, "Don't play games with me. You won't win. You
specifically told me you were going to a chicken place and never went
there."
    I
swallow, "I'm sorry. I should have called and told you we were changing
places. I just…well…I had an attack and had to leave the first place."
    His
voice softens, "Are you okay?"
    I
don’t know why I feel so able to talk to him. Maybe because I never see him.
"No. I had it right in front of him. It was humiliating."
    "I'll
call the doc. She'll want to see you."
    I
hate that. I hate that he goes for the doc. He never wants to talk to me. Even
when I let him in and give him something, he shuts me down. He pushes me away.
    "Whatever."
I say.
    "Don't
say that. It's rude."
    I
don’t say anything.
    He
clears his throat, "If you're going to date and Stuart is dating the ever
lovely Miss Monkton, then the rules are changing. You will not date on the same
evening."
    I
frown, "What if we have a date the same night?"
    "Then
he cancels his. You will remain in the dorms if he and Miss Monkton are out.
Are we clear?"
    "Yup."
    "Yup,
is piss poor English. Goodnight, sweet dreams."
    He
has never said that before. He was shitty like he always is, but he's never
said sweet dreams before. He hangs up like always and I just stare at the
phone.
    Shell
doesn’t come home.
    I
don’t sleep. I don't sleep much on a regular bases, but the first night in a
new place is always the worst. It's a guarantee that I won't sleep.
    It's
what I call the lonely. It creeps up whenever I'm uncomfortable. It freezes me
up. I feel it enter new places with me, like it's in the bag I packed. The
broken bits of whatever it is inside of me, the lack of trust maybe, have never
healed. Nineteen years of life, almost twenty, and I can't get past it. It's
part of who I am.
    The
difference between it and the phobias is the lonely is genuine. It's been part
of me always. The phobias were learned over time.
    My
phone vibrates, as I'm lost in self-pity. I glance at it, 'Go to sleep.'
    I
look at the phone, grinning. He always knows. I look around the room, wondering.
How does he do it? How does he know? Maybe he is Big Brother and I am in