The Importance of Being Earnest Read Online Free Page A

taken a house in Curzon Street, right opposite them—such a respectable street, too. I don’t know what we’re coming to! And they tell me that Windermere goes there four and five times a week—they
see
him. They can’t help it—and although they never talk scandal, they—well, of course—they remark on it to every one. And the worst of it all is that I have been told that this woman has got a great deal of money out of somebody, for it seems that she came to London six months ago without anything at all to speak of, and now she has this charming house in Mayfair, drives her ponies in the Park every afternoon and all—well, all—since she has known poor dear Windermere.
    L ADY W INDERMERE . Oh, I can’t believe it!
    D UCHESS OF B ERWICK . But it’s quite true, my dear. The whole of London knows it. That is why I felt it was better to come and talk to you, and advise you to take Windermere away at once to Homburg or to Aix, where he’ll have something to amuse him, and where you can watch him all day long. I assure you, my dear, that on several occasions after I was first married, I had to pretend to be very ill, and was obliged to drink the most unpleasantmineral waters, merely to get Berwick out of town. He was so extremely susceptible. Though I am bound to say he never gave away any large sums of money to anybody. He is far too high-principled for that!
    L ADY W INDERMERE .
(Interrupting.)
Duchess, Duchess, it’s
impossible! (Rising and crossing stage to C.)
We are only married two years. Our child is but six months old.
(Sits in chair R. of L. table.)
    D UCHESS OF B ERWICK . Ah, the dear pretty baby! How is the little darling? is it a boy or a girl? I hope a girl—Ah, no, I remember it’s a boy! I’m so sorry. Boys are so wicked. My boy is excessively immoral. You wouldn’t believe at what hours he comes home. And he’s only left oxford a few months—I really don’t know what they teach them there.
    L ADY W INDERMERE . Are
all
men bad?
    D UCHESS OF B ERWICK . Oh, all of them, my dear, all of them, without any exception. And they never grow any better. Men become old, but they never become good.
    L ADY W INDERMERE . Windermere and I married for love.
    D UCHESS OF B ERWICKES . Yes, we begin like that. It was only Berwick’s brutal and incessant threats of suicide that made me accept him at all, and before the year was out, he was running after all kinds of petticoats, every colour, every shape, every material. In fact, before the honeymoon was over, I caught him winking at my maid, a most pretty, respectable girl. I dismissed her at once without a character.—No, I remember I passed her on to my sister; poor dear Sir George is so short-sighted, I thought it wouldn’t matter. But it did, though—it was most unfortunate.
(Rises.)
And now, my dear child, I must go, as we are dining out. And mind you don’t take this little aberration of Windermere’s too much to heart. Just take him abroad, and he’ll come back to you all right.
    L ADY W INDERMERE . Come back to me?
(C.)
    D UCHESS OF B ERWICK .
(L.C.)
Yes, dear, these wicked women get our husbands away from us, but they always come back, slightly damaged, of course. And don’t make scenes, men hate them!
    L ADY W INDERMERE . It is very kind of you, Duchess, to come andtell me all this. But I can’t believe that my husband is untrue to me.
    D UCHESS OF B ERWICK . Pretty child! I was like that once. Now I know that all men are monsters.
(Lady Windermere rings bell.)
The only thing to do is to feed the wretches well. A good cook does wonders, and that I know you have. My dear Margaret, you are not going to cry?
    L ADY W INDERMERE . You needn’t be afraid, Duchess, I never cry.
    D UCHESS OF B ERWICK . That’s quite right, dear. Crying is the refuge of plain women but the ruin of pretty ones. Agatha, darling!
    L ADY A GATHA .
(Entering L.)
Yes, mamma.
(Stands back of table L.C.)
    D UCHESS OF B ERWICK . Come and bid good-bye to Lady Windermere, and