I let my smile drop as soon as she was gone, and I quickly shut the door. It was so strange to be back here. Back
home
.
I moved slowly around the room, pausing at my desk to shuffle through an old stack of perfume notes. Running my hands over the computer screen. Picking up a small glass paperweight and rolling it round and round. My stuff. My
things
. Every little piece that made me was represented here. Somehow.
Then I moved on to my bed. Sitting cautiously so I wouldn’t wrinkle the sheets, I placed both hands on the comforter, palms down. It was cool beneath my fingertips, and I got lost in thought there for a while. I stared at the red striped walls, thefireplace mantel with the silver swirly frame, my telescope in one corner…
Mom’s voice broke through my thoughts, calling that dinner was in thirty minutes, and I stood up to move to my window. Sinking down onto the window seat, I grabbed Mr. Hamm, a stuffed bear resting next to Jolly the penguin and Spots, a giraffe, musing that
I
hadn’t left them so neatly arranged, and hugged him to my chest.
My eyes traveled to the closed closet door.
Is the black prom dress Mom got me still in there?
I’d never even checked it to see if she’d had all the tiny tears mended from when I’d worn it last, on Halloween night. When I’d gone to the cemetery and danced in the rain. That night I’d lain in the river and Caspian had walked me home and then we—
No! He’s not real. Caspian is dead.
A shout outside drew my attention away from the closet door, and I turned to look out the window. On the street below me a little boy was running after a small, white, fluffy dog and yelling for him to stop. The dog kept trotting right along, dragging a blue leash behind him.
I smiled and watched them for a minute until something else caught my eye. Heart pounding, I sat straight up and put one hand to the glass. A figure dressed all in black darted towardthe trees that stood by the side of our house. The sunlight shone on his white-blond hair.
“No,” I whispered. “No!” My hand turned into a fist and I pounded once on the window pane. But he was moving fast, and an instant later I lost sight of him.
I stood up and sprinted out of the room. Clamoring down the stairs, I threw open the front door and ran outside. My eyes scanned side to side, taking in the trees, the sidewalk, and the fence up the road. I forced myself to walk calmly to the edge of our yard. After taking a deep breath, I called out softly, “Caspian?”
There was no answer.
I tried again, but this time I moved closer to the trees when I said his name. The result was the same.
Gathering up all of my courage, I pushed my way through the foliage and ended up in someone else’s yard. A door slammed, and Mr. Travertine waved to me. He started wheeling his lawn mower out of his garage, and I waved back, glancing around. There was nothing but houses and empty yards as far as I could see.
But I could have sworn I saw him.…
Casually changing direction, I went back through the trees and started walking to the mailbox. Making a great show ofacting like I was checking it, I reached in, expecting to come up empty. To my surprise, and somewhat relief, there were a couple of envelopes in there, and I grabbed them to take with me.
I walked back to the house, stopping by the kitchen to deposit the mail on the table. Mom turned to me. “I thought that was you, Abbey. Why did you go stampeding out the front door like that?”
Because I saw the person I’m not supposed to be seeing, who wasn’t really there anyway?
Yeah, that wouldn’t work. “I, uh, saw a little boy out there chasing his dog. Thought I could help him catch it.” Then I remembered the mail in my hands and held it up. “And I brought this in.”
She smiled at me. “That’s good. Want to set the table for me?”
“Okay.” Anything to make things seem normal again.
After I set the table, Mom called Dad in from the living room, and we all