The Geography of Girlhood Read Online Free Page A

food
    until they were dry and gone.

    Now, Denise can’t wait to kill things.
    Last week, slain beasts were taking the form of
    cats and squirrels, then birds and bees,
    and now she’s got her sights on
    boys from the neighborhood and beyond,
    some of them so big they could only be called men.
    She’s ready for them all to fall down, one by one,
    until the town is littered with creatures
    whose hearts she’s broken,
    with me, faithful witness, following just behind,
    tagging the bodies
    so the next of kin
    can always be notified.
     
Perfect
    Today is my fifteenth birthday
    so Tara is playing the part of Perfect Sister,
    beautiful on the half-shell,
    experienced but never vampy.
    Oh, I know, she has her problems:
    the way she couldn’t stop knitting
    that scarf for Susan for Christmas
    (it just grew and grew, an avenue of red yarn),
    the broken curfews, the pregnancy scare,
    the tendency to do everything
    everyone tells her
not
to do.
    But all in all, she’s a pretty picture,
    teeth white as the sky,
    eyes marshy and green as Florida.
    With her lipstick that matches the moon,
    she’s telling loaves of lies,
    saying she never starts fights,
    saying she’s gained weight, really she has.
    She goes on and on,
    sipping from a bottle of something
    swiped from the berth below
    and leaning against me in quieter moments,
    whispering
I love you
as we round the point,
    just before Dad drops the mainsail
    and with the sure hand of a father,
    takes us back to shore.
     
Favorite Foods
    When we get home from our sail,
    all sunburned and salty,
    I walk into my room
    and find a boy I barely know
    reading my diary.
    He’s got it open to my list of Favorite Foods
    (I told you my diary was stupid)
    and I scream
What are you doing?!
    My stepbrother leaps up and runs out
    and I slam the door in his face
    and after a moment I hear him say,
    like tacos, too.
    But when I open the door, he’s gone.
     
To the Grave
    Don’t tell Elaine
, Denise says
    when she shows me the medication the doctorput her on.
    Don’t tell Denise
, Elaine says
    during the only phone call we have all summer,
    the one where she brags about having sex withStan Bondurant.
    Don’t tell my mom
, my stepbrother says
    after I catch him feeding a stray cat
    outside our house.
    I’m usually not a person people trust with their secrets
    but in two weeks school starts
    and it’s obvious to everyone that after that,
    the only place I’ll be taking those secrets
    is to the grave.
     
Labor Day
    The harbor is alive with motors
    and the sun is shining or something like it
    and the Sound is full of jellyfish
    and the gulls are flirting with their catch
    before they come to kill it.
    I am down at the dock
    trying with all my might
    to stop summer from ending
    and so is Larry in slip 15
    who’s had enough of his life
    so he just drinks his way through it,
    or the guy who lives on the tugboat
    that my stepmom says might sink,
    but no matter what, the spangle and spell of school
    is coming for me like a tide I can’t stop,
    it’s coming for me like a storm off the coast,
    it’s coming for me like a spark that sets theforest aflame
    and while all the girls are like bulbs about to bloom,
    me, I am trying to stay dug down in the dirt
    because I know what is waiting for me
    when I come out.

3
the lay of the land
     
The First Day of High School
    Don’t ask me why, but
    I’ve decided that being afraid of Jenny Arnold
    is more powerful than being in love.
    Love isn’t five feet nine like Jenny Arnold is.
    Love doesn’t drive a lime green Barracuda the wayJenny Arnold does.
    And love won’t kill you like Jenny Arnold will.
    On the drive to school, I ask my sister
    if she’ll protect me from what’s about to happen.
    My sister just laughs.
    She can’t wait for me to die so she can get my room.
    When we get to school,
    everyone is having the time of their goddamn lives
    and all I can think about is my funeral.
    I’m on my way into second period gym
    and that’s when I see