The Educated Ape & other Wonders of the Worlds Read Online Free Page B

word there came a terrible sound from within the
spaceship.
    The
sound of his lordship’s fowling piece.
    Both
barrels fired and then silence.

 
     
     
     
    4
     
    rnest
Rutherford, First Baron Rutherford of Nelson, was a man of his Age. He was also
a man who was truly ahead of his time. The Victorian period cast before the
world a plethora of notable geniuses: Charles Babbage, Albert Einstein, Nikola
Tesla and Mr Rutherford. Men who helped to shape their own Age and future Ages,
too.
    Mr
Rutherford was a chemist, New Zealand born, who had come to settle in London.
Early on in his career he had discovered the concept of the radioactive
half-life. He differentiated and named both alpha and beta radiation and it
was for work within this field that he would later go on to win a Nobel Prize.
    The
year of eighteen ninety-nine found him inhabiting a large Georgian house in
South Kensington, within which he conducted a number of ground-breaking
experiments, most of which involved a lot of electricity and a great deal of
noise. He was not a man popular with his neighbours.
    Upon
a summer’s morning of that year, with a nearby church clock chiming the hour of
ten, there came a knocking upon Mr Rutherford’s front door. On his doorstep
stood two figures. One was a bald and bearded chef, the other a monkey butler.
Mr Rutherford’s front door swung open and something-or-other peeped out.
    ‘Good
morning,’ said the chef in a cheerful fashion. ‘We wish to speak with your
master.’
    ‘Go
away, you beastly things.’ The something put his shoulder to the door.
    ‘I
believe it to be most important.’ The chef put his foot in the door, as might a
travelling salesman.
    ‘Remove
your foot,’ cried the something, ‘or I will fetch a carving knife and slice it
off at the ankle.’
    ‘Enough
of that, Jones.’ A sound was heard as of hand striking a head and then the door
swung wide. ‘My apologies,’ said a tall, distinguished personage with a
luxuriant moustache and piercing grey eyes. He wore a white work apron over a
well-cut morning suit and a pair of rubber gauntlets, the right one of which he
was struggling to remove. ‘May I help you, sir?’ he asked. ‘I regret that if
you are of the religious persuasion and here to solicit funds, I must
disappoint you. My earnings are insufficient to permit largesse, but I offer
you my warmest wishes. Which in their way, I feel you will agree, are quite
beyond price.’
    He
paused to let his words sink in.
    The
portly chef just shook his head and the monkey butler gawped.
    ‘Sir,‘
said the chef, producing the envelope. ‘I was given this to hand to you. I was
instructed not to open it. I believe, although I cannot be certain as to the
source of my belief, that it contains something most important.’
    Mr
Rutherford, for it was indeed he, gazed at the man who stood upon his doorstep.
‘I know you, sir,’ said he. ‘We have met before. I never forget a face, but—’
    The
chef shook his head once more.
    ‘The
beard is strange to me,’ said Mr Rutherford, and with that said he took the
envelope. The man and the monkey watched him as he tore it open, removed its
contents and gave these contents perusal.
    Then
Mr Rutherford gasped and said, ‘Surely this cannot be!’ He then stared hard at
his visitors. ‘What is your name, sir?’ he asked.
    ‘My
name?’ said the chef, and he thought about this. ‘My name is Chef,’ he said.
    ‘Chef?
Just Chef? Are you sure?’
    ‘I am
confused,’ said the chef, and he was. ‘My name is “Chef’,’ he said once more.
    ‘Come
in quickly, now,’ said Mr Rutherford. ‘We must speak of this in private. No one
else must know of the matters we are about to discuss.’
    The
chemist ushered his visitors within and closed the door behind them. ‘Jones,’
he called, ‘come here.’
    They
were standing in an elegant hallway, its walls made pleasant with framed
watercolours depicting the landscapes that their owner had known in