The Dog that Dumped on my Doona Read Online Free Page B

find it in myself to tell him this mission was going to be boringly simple. I’d thought it over last night. All that about kidnapping God. I was overcomplicating the problem. The solution came to me in a blinding flash. Too easy.
    We weren’t going to kidnap God.
    We were going to buy Him.

‘Behold the face of God,’ said Blacky.
    I beheld it.
    Kind of ugly, with a beard. Not long and white, but short, stumpy and grey. Big, lidless eyes set far apart. Leathery skin. The sign on the tank said PYGMY BEARDED DRAGON.
    â€˜And that’s God, is it?’ said Dylan, his face pressed up to the glass.
    â€˜Apparently,’ I said.
    â€˜Not really what I was expecting,’ said Dylan. ‘Hey, look at him move! He went up that twig like lightning.’
    â€˜He’s moving in mysterious ways,’ I said.
    That went pretty much over Dylan’s head.
    â€˜So, what’s the plan?’ said Dylan. ‘We’ve got to get the lizard out of the tank, right? Return him to his family in the wild, right? That’s the mission the dog’s set us, right?’
    â€˜Right,’ I said. I’d already passed on the basics of what Blacky had told me. Not even Dylan could have failed to grasp them.

    â€˜Okay,’ said Dylan. ‘I’ve got a plan. It’s a good one, too. You and Blacky the white dog create a diversion. You go into the pet shop and ask them some tricky questions about terrapins or something. That’ll be your job, Marc, ’cos dogs aren’t real good at asking questions, even simple ones. So while you’re distracting them … Better still, Blacky can chase a cat or something, knock over a few displays. That way, we’ve got two diversions – you and your terrapin questions, the dog wrecking the joint. Meantime, I put a brick through the window, grab the lizard and leg it. It’s brilliant. It’s simple.’
    â€˜Why am I not surprised that this fruitloop is your friend?’ asked Blacky. I ignored him.
    â€˜I’ve got a simpler plan,’ I told Dylan.
    â€˜What?’
    â€˜I go in and buy it.’
    Dylan thought about this for a while.
    â€˜Yeah,’ he said eventually. ‘I admit it’s simpler, but it’s unbelievably boring.’
    I had a hundred bucks saved up from my pocket money and birthday gifts from rellies who had no idea what eleven-year-old boys were into. The money was in a box under my bed. Dad had tried to convince me to put it in a savings account and I was glad I’d ignored him. I’d been saving for a hand-held games console, but that would have to wait. I wasn’t thrilled by this, but what could I do? Turn my back on God?
    It’s weird. Everyone reckons Rose is a saint. And here I was giving up something I really wanted and no one would ever know. Life isn’t fair, I guess. But then life certainly hadn’t been fair to God.
    I’d have explaining to do, true. Mum and Dad would want to know where the money had gone. I thought it unlikely they’d be thrilled to hear I’d spent it on a lizard. I could always tell them I’d bought God and that would be ten out of ten for cool. Unfortunately, it would also be zero out of ten for believability. Nonetheless, I was confident I could make up something.
    Me and Dylan entered the shop. We left Blacky on the footpath. There was a sign on the door that said pets weren’t allowed, which struck me as somewhat strange as well as destroying Dylan’s brilliant plan. If the owner was being fair he’d have to move his entire stock outside onto the road. Anyway, I pointed my finger at Blacky’s face.
    â€˜Sit,’ I said. ‘Stay. Good boy.’
    â€˜Talk to me like that again,’ said Blacky, ‘and you’ll be minus an important part of your anatomy. I kid you not.’
    â€˜I’m trying to act like a responsible dog owner,’ I hissed. ‘Otherwise, someone might report