The Devil Made Me Do It Read Online Free Page A

ship them home. The strain of touching and going through her cherished items brought Esther to her knees and Deborah to her tipping point.
    Esther unfolded a worn creased sheet of paper; one of the gifts Sheri left for all of them.
    Dear Esther,
    First of all, don’t be angry. I hate it when I disappoint you. I know that you think I try too hard, and you want me to be easygoing like you. I watch you and Deborah, and everything looks effortless for both of you. I’m tired. I go to sleep and wake up scared every day of my life. Fear is my constant companion. Guilt and shame are the shadows in my life that haunt me.
    I never said this, but my mom had to drop out of high school because she got pregnant with me. She loved my father, but he deserted her before I was even born. He’s seen me twice. According to my auntie, he came to my hospital room, looked down on me, and said only ignorant could come from ignorant. My mother was determined to prove him wrong. The other time was when Mama took me to his house to tell him I was valedictorian of my class. I didn’t even know she knew where he lived. You know what he said? Nothing. He slammed the door in our faces. We sat in the car, and I held my mama while she cried. I realized that all these years she was telling me I didn’t need a man, she still needed approval from my daddy. Crazy, right? People lie so much. They lie to themselves and to others. And we all have secrets, dirty little secrets. So, I’ve decided not to live a lie anymore. It’s my way of being free from the lies and the secrets.
    I know that you believe me taking my own life is a sin, and I know that for the rest of your life you will be praying for my soul. When you do, remember that I loved you and I wish you only the best. I never wanted to be the best anything. I just wanted to be me. I just didn’t know how.
    You know what? I feel at peace for the first time in a long time. Take care of Deborah. She’s not as strong as you think. These pills are starting to work, and I’ve got to go. I won’t say good-bye . . . just so long.
    Yours, Sheri
    Esther folded the letter and placed it in her drawer. Sheri’s sin was now her burden. She was failing at Sheri’s request she take care of Deborah. She just didn’t understand how she thought her life was easy.
    Frustrated, she kicked a shoe across the room. “Are we struggling enough now for you, Sheri?” she shouted.
    Esther stood before the mirror, her reflection grim. Who are you? Yes, she could be overbearing. But, had she made Sheri afraid to be herself? Was her way the only way? And, what secrets did Sheri take to the grave? Esther’s frustration mounted. There were too many questions and too few answers.
    Esther’s self-examination was painful. She turned from the mirror and continued to pack Sheri’s belongings. On her side of their dorm room, a poster with a picture of a big juicy burger read, “This is not Burger King. . . . You cannot have it your way.” With sadness, she sighed, “Still trying to rule, still trying to be Cinderella.”
    One of her best friends was gone, and she didn’t have a clue how to help the other one. Esther reflected back that it was Deborah who went to check on Sheri. She was busy basking in the adoration of Briggs. She was disgusted with herself. And though she knew it made no sense, somehow she also blamed Briggs.
    Esther pushed the top of the clothes down and mashed them into the box. “This sista gotta change. I need to be more like Christ. Stop all this ‘me’ foolishness. I’m gon’ pull a Vanna and buy a vowel, get me a clue.”
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    Seven torturous days later, the early-morning sun streamed into Esther’s window through the cheap regulation blinds hung in every dorm. She had not spoken to Briggs in over three weeks. She did not count the brief hug she accepted from him at the funeral. She understood