The Cost Of Love And Sanity Read Online Free Page A

happiness with him.
    If she could stop herself from feeling lousy about their argument, she would be okay. She had to deal with the fact that she didn’t have anybody now and she didn’t know when she would find somebody else. Desperation crept up on her while she thought about her current prospect of having a family. If she kept losing relationships, she would have to have a child on her own. She sighed. She could do that but she really wanted a full family, complete with a husband.
    Noticing that her hot water had turned ice cold, Alex switched the shower off and stepped onto her plush white rug. She changed into her T-shirt and pajama pants and walked into her room. She turned her comforter back, bent her knees to the floor and clasped her hands together.
    â€œGod, please keep me, my family and friends safe from harm. I also ask that you keep me focused and uplifted. I pray that you empower me to make the most of my life this year so that I might be a blessing to others. But God, there is one more pressing thing on my heart that I must address. A favor to ask.” Alex took a deep breath and released it slowly.
    â€œI know that you have a man out there—somewhere out there—for me. I have no doubt about that but if Phillip isn’t it, could you show me who is? I mean, can I at least get a hint? I hope I’m not asking for too much. It’s just that this searching thing is getting old. Kinda like me.”
    Tears welled in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She felt silly asking for such a thing but the Bible said, “Ask and ye shall receive.” She opened her eyes aware and somewhat ashamed of her own request. She unclasped her hands and stood up. Dashing to the bedroom door, she flipped the lights.
    Once Alex crawled under the covers, she took momentary comfort in the cool, clean fabric. She lay on her back and stared up at the ceiling as if she expected the answer to her probing question to magically appear between the creases. It didn’t. If anything, more questions followed with each passing minute. Squeezing her eyes closed, she turned on her right side. There was no use losing sleep over this.

CHAPTER 5
    A lex’s night fell short of restfulness but she managed to get up in time to watch the football game. Or at least she tried to watch the game. By the time third quarter hit, she’d stretched across her chocolate brown leather couch, nodding in and out. She finally gave in, rolling into a ball and closing her eyes. They remained closed until the teams were walking off the field. The final score appeared at the bottom of the screen. 24-14. Sorry she missed the last two quarters, Alex smiled when she saw that her team won.
    She glanced up at the clock. Alex needed to go to the store, get some gas for her car and then come home to cook dinner. She really wanted to stumble into her room and fall out over her bed but that would not be productive.
    So, Alex propped herself up off the couch and staggered to her bathroom. As she washed her face, brushed her teeth and fixed her hair, she psyched herself up for the errands. Once she finished, Alex slid on her shoes and jogged back downstairs—picking up the pace before she could change her mind about stepping outside.
    She pulled into the gas station three blocks away. Geesh, could they have made this parking lot any smaller? The station had always been small but it seemed smaller now that the cramped space crawled with cars. Alex eased into the station, hunting for an open pump. To her surprise, she didn’t have to search far; the secondone stood vacant. She backed into the pump and hopped out of the car to slide her debit card in the machine. As she pumped her gas and music played in the background, her mind drifted to her prayer and her plans for the new year.
    She didn’t know if she would ever get an answer to her prayer but she had come to one important conclusion: a new year required a new direction.