The Arrangement 16 Read Online Free Page A

is messy, but those blue eyes are alert and cautious. “Sit.” His voice is scratchy, like he needs water.
    I take the seat opposite him. The words and fears I’d been holding in come rushing out. “I’m so glad you’re all right. When I heard the shot, I thought he hit me, but then you didn’t move. I thought he killed you. Sean, things are so complicated, but I know I want you in my life. If you’ve given up on us, I’ll walk out that door and never bother you again, but if for some reason you haven’t, if you still love me,” pressing my lips together, I get out of my chair and go and kneel next to his bed, “I want to be with you.”
    We’re both quiet for a moment. Despite his stern gaze, I manage to say the rest, “Do you love me? After everything I put us through, and all the promises I broke, I can only beg. I deserted you when you finally trusted me. Sean, I was so scared, but last night frightened me more. I want you on any level you’ll have me. I can’t live without you, don’t you see? You’re my other half.” Tears are streaming down my face as I speak and my voice becomes softer and softer, but Sean doesn’t answer. His dark piercing gaze remains fixated on mine, harsh and unrelenting.
    Continuing, I say, “This was my fault and you were trying. I just didn’t know what to do—that day in the box, the way you seemed gone. It scared me. I won’t lie to you—it was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me. The only thing that frightened me more was seeing you fall last night. I thought you were gone forever. A life without you is impossible. Please tell me that I haven’t lost you. Sean, please say something. Either way, put me out of my misery.” I squeeze his hand and begin to withdraw mine when he clasps it, holding on tightly.
    “It’s my fault. He’s gone, Avery. I fucked up.” Sean tilts his head back into the pillows and looks up at the ceiling. “I didn’t think I was capable of fucking things up like this, but it’s beyond that. I’m so far gone they should have left me to bleed out on the stage floor. I deserve it. There’s nothing that will make up for this.”
    “What are you talking about? Sean…” I get up and sit on the edge of the bed, thinking he’s not as coherent as I thought he was. I examine his face for signs of a head injury, but don’t see one. My fingers take hold of his sheet. I pull it down slowly, waiting for him to stop me, but he doesn’t.  
    Sean tries to take a deep breath and winces. That’s when he looks at me and I freeze. “Go ahead and look. That’s what you want, right? To see if I’m disgusting on the outside now, too.”
    “Sean!” I can’t believe he said that.
    He lifts his robe revealing himself along with a bandaged torso. “I survived and he died—it’s so wrong.” He drops the robe and for a moment I’m afraid. Sean doesn’t sound right. He’s lucid, but his voice is off. “The fucking bullet misses me, but it didn’t miss him. I had a plan, but that asshole didn’t give me the chance and the gun. He fucking had the gun.” Sean’s big blue eyes meet mine. “Tell me you didn’t give it to him. Please, tell me that it wasn’t you.”
    Bryan, we’re talking about Bryan. I don’t understand anything he just said except for the gun. I took it from the cabin. I was afraid they’d find the pilot I killed and blame Sean, so I kept it. I lied to his face over and over again. That gun shot Amanda. That gun was tied to so many bad things, but when Bryan asked for it he told me he had a plan. He also said he wouldn’t tell Sean he had it.  
    Swallowing hard, I say, “Bryan told you?” Oh shit. I stiffen and try to back away, but Sean grabs my wrist.
    “I knew Bryan asked for it. Pete asked for it too, but things were better my way. I knew what I was doing, Avery. I trusted you and you gave the gun to him? Fuck. I knew how to live with the scorn and the public ready to tear me apart, but not this. I