struggle simply to swallow. The water that ran cool through the canyons vanished long ago. The time I spent swimming with Mia feels like a dream.
“What was it?” I whisper.
Mia’s eyes flash. “Stricken. What else?”
“It didn’t scent like Stricken. It scented…like your kind.”
Mia shrugs.
“If it was a Pureblood maybe he knows something. Maybe he can help us.”
“Not all Purebloods are friends,” Mia scoffs. “Last thing we need is another weak-assed, half-starved mongrel trailing at out heels. We travel faster when it’s just the two of us. And besides, handsome, I like having you all to myself.”
“You don’t trust your kind,” I say, reaching out to hold Mia’s hand. Her skin is sunburned and warm.
“It’s the end of the world,” Mia says. “Only thing I trust is my fucking Glock. And I don’t even have that.”
“You trust me?”
I didn’t mean to make it a question.
Mia sighs. “You trust me?”
“Of course.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t. Who says I won’t hand you over to the Fallen? Buy myself a free pass into the Age of Discord.”
“He’d thank you, then feast on your beating heart.”
Mia flashes me a wan smile. A family of gilded flickers begins chirping from a nest burrowed into the saguaro. “He wouldn’t even bother thanking me,” Mia says.
Off in the distance a wall of black-bellied storm clouds is gathering. Red lightning flickers down, then a few seconds later thunder booms across the desert. The firestorms bring no rain, only cruel lightning and an oppressive humidity that clings to our clothing and makes every breath feel like it’s being drawn through a wad of wet cotton.
My stomach growls. We haven’t eaten since the ravine in the canyonlands. Mia pats me and says, “Tonight we hunt.”
“We should keep moving.”
“Could you summon Tornarsuk if you had to? If we’re attacked?”
“No.”
“Because you’re too weak. We have to feed, Anik. We need to stay as strong as possible.” Mia raises her arm. Silver-blue scales shimmer on her skin, then slowly fade. She looses a disgusted burst of air. “I’ve never been so far from my animal,” she says, worry softening her voice. “A part of me worries she’ll never return, and I’ll be trapped in this pathetic sack of skin for the rest of my very short and terrorized life.”
I watch the sun slowly lengthen the saguaro’s shadow, then say, “I was wrong to abandon Lily. Even if Shiori does have Pim. I should’ve stayed loyal to my alpha.”
“Shoulda woulda coulda,” Mia says. “You did what you felt was right. And besides, last I remember it was you swiping a paw and smashing Lily through the forest. If she’s gunna claim alpha the bitch needs to act like one. No one can fault you for leaving her.”
Mia’s fingers trace over my stomach, across my pecs and over my nipples.
“Aaron was right to go full animal when she burned the collar off him,” she says quietly. “At first I hated him for it. Called him a chickenshit. But he was right. I’d give anything to roam free just one more time.”
Another wave of guilt washes over me. It’s my fault Mia’s out here, hiding in the desert like frightened prey, instead of staking a claim to a territory. There’s another feeling mixed in with the guilt. Something even more barbed.
I’m angry. No, I’m furious at myself for my weakness.
First I permitted the bear to run wild over me. I lost control in the forest. I could have killed someone. Lily. Mia. Even Pimniq. My spirit animal is a mad beast when he’s angered. And now I’m furious at myself for not being able to summon him. In my spirit animal form I would’ve reached Pimniq by now. She would be safe—
“You think Aaron’s alive?” I ask, turning closer to Mia.
“No. Even if he is he’s lost to us by now. Words fall away fast when the wildmind takes over. Then the memories go. Until finally all you have is whatever instinct’s driving you in