Tell Us Something True Read Online Free Page B

better, to
be
better. I said I wanted to think about things more.
    “Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Everett said.
    “Yeah,” Daphne added. “If you wanna be hard on yourself, be hard on yourself for bringing mediocre snack foods.”
    This kid with a lazy eye talked next about how he stole a six-pack from his stepmother and blamed it on his sister.
    “She’s only fourteen and she doesn’t drink,” he said. “But my stepmother hates her and is always looking for an excuse to punish her, so I knew she’d believe me…or at least pretend to. I did feel kinda bad about it, though. My sister was, like, crying for hours because she had to miss her friend’s party.”
    I couldn’t imagine making Natalie cry. Ever hurting her on purpose. If I wanted to dodge blame for something, Natalie would be the last person in the world I’d throw under the bus. But I knew I was in a much different place than most of the people in this room. That my issues, whatever they were, paled in comparison.
    This girl Bree spoke about eating only green leafy vegetables for three days straight. Daphne told us she’d put a mascara in her pocket but then returned it to the shelf before leaving the store. And Christopher dreamed of feeling the same kind of euphoria without the drugs.
    Despite all the talking—So. Much. Talking.—the meeting quieted something inside me. Outside this room, everything in my life reminded me of Penny, and I couldn’t catch my breath without breathing in more of her. Even though I’d stumbled into A Second Chance because of her, she felt far away from that circle. I spent my time in the room thinking about people other than Penny; I could even start to see her in my rearview mirror.
    Here
was where I belonged.
This
was where change began.
    The meeting ended before I felt ready for it to. It was Saturday night at eight o’clock and one of my best friends was off listening to a comedian with cancer and I didn’t know where the other two were because I’d become a lousy friend. I had nowhere to go and nothing to do.
    Out on the sidewalk Everett asked, “So we’ll see you next week, even though you’re relieved of snack duty?”
    I nodded. I wanted to come back. Penny was onto something when she said I didn’t think about things. Now I was working on that.
    I watched him and most of the kids walk away, toward their own cars or cars that waited for them out front. Christopher lit another cigarette and Daphne hung back, so I did too, and then it occurred to me that maybe there was something going on between them and I was just a third wheel.
    She tugged on one of her large hoop earrings and narrowed her eyes at me. “So why are you really here, River? What’s your real story?”
    I felt my face go bright red. It was a curse of my partial Nordic heritage. One of the many unwelcome gifts my father left me along with fatherlessness. And my stupid first name.
    “Awww,” she said. “I made you blush.”
    “Nah.” Christopher took a deep drag from his cigarette. “He just knows in his heart that an addiction to weed is wicked embarrassing.”
    “Kids don’t usually come here because it’s how they want to spend a Saturday night,” Daphne said. “So what’s your story? Your parents find your stash? You get caught dealing at school? You got a lady who likes you better when you’re straight?”
    “I’m just…here because I want to be here,” I said.
    “Yeah, sure.”
    “What?”
    “That reeks of bullshit,” Daphne said. She stared at me long and hard. Christopher chuckled. “But you do look like you’re hurting. I can see that. It’s in your eyes.”
    I brought my hand up and rubbed my forehead, shielding my face.
    “The problem isn’t
that
you need weed, River,” she said. “It’s
why
you need weed. So why? Why do you need weed?”
    I wished I smoked cigarettes like Christopher so I could take a long, thoughtful drag off one. Instead I just stared at the sidewalk and thought of Penny.