easily I can make myself believe anything.
âRotting on the prairie? Mr. Rottam is rotting? Theyâre planning The Rite of Spring and The Firebird and you say rotting, Rottam?â
âTheyâve been planning those for years. Itâs some kind of publicity stunt. Do you actually think theyâll get around to it before we retire?â
âKharkov has started running ideas for Serenade .â
âMore Tchaikovsky?â I teased Rachelle. She loved Tchaikovsky; so did I, but he became our whipping board for everything from music to sexuality. âFeh! If he were alive, heâd be writing movie music.â
âSo John Williams is a slouch? What the hellâs wrong with movie music?â
But my leaving was a betrayal. Peter was mum, resting his chin on his hands like a scolded puppy, and most likely worrying about being an understudy that afternoon for an injured Paris. Heâd rehearsed it to death and the dancing wasnât really that difficult. He just had to look good, which would be no problem. He finally spoke. âSo, itâs about dance? Or him?â
âI donât know. My mind is too crowded. Thereâs himâ¦â
âAnd all the thousand and one nights youâve yet to spend with him.â Rachelle said.
âAnd the possibility that I could be better than a soloist, with some good coaching. He really believesâ¦â
âBut do you? Come on, dig deep.â
âYouâve seen me dancing these past few days.â
âYes, we all have.â She droned, â Big deal .â
âBig deal? I can do it. I am so centred right now. I turn on a dime, and just keep turning. Did you see me today? I turned five timesâ¦â
âIâve turned seven, and on my dick, and with my eyes closed.â
âCorrection, Peter. You were on someoneâs dick.â
âHey. No potty mouth around meâyou cocksuckers.â
ââ¦and then I just stood there on demi-pointe in a perfect retiré with everything so aligned. If it hadnât been for having to have coffee with you two I could still be there. And my grand jeté isâ¦â
âYeah, we know, grand. We saw it. Come on. Cut this shit,â she said, holding in a drag. âYouâre in love with that frog. Am I going to have to clean out your room back home? Thatâs all I want to know.â She paused for a moment savouring the smoke. âGod, I love how everyone smokes here.â
Rachelle had never babied me, not from the moment she parked herself outside our upstairs bathroom with a can of cleanser in one hand and a sponge in the other, telling me it was my turn to clean up the pubes in the bathtub. Peter could be as harsh, too, but he knew when to stop. He never let on if he had actually had sex with a man but he had become a friend after some fumbled attempts for us to be bed buddies. Not a good idea for roommatesâwe ended up just cuddling.
There is something like a double negative about doing it with someone you know, as a friend, who also happens to be a dancer; it takes an awful lot to become aroused, simply because you know all the ins and outs of their physique, mostly their flaws, and it is almost clinical as to how you know them. But he was definitely the hottest dancer I had seen that side of the OntarioâManitoba border. As well as cuddling, we spent time physically close to each other, massaging shoulders, feet, ankles while watching whatever Rachelle and her husband wanted, usually Wheel of Fortune . Making it even less of an issue, we both talked about his body like it was a commodity we could both appreciate from the outside. Weâd agreed that it was my weaknessesâlow arch, tight tendons, feet that wouldnât stretchâthat would make me a strong dancer. And it was his giftsâperfect feet, high arches, a beautiful line, flexibility for days and visible muscle beneath his paper-thin olive