me.
“I thought I just did that.”
She laughs, throwing her head back. “Yes,
yes, you did. And I love it. Just like I love it every day. But I’m
getting tired sweetie and I want to cuddle with my fiancé,” she
says, emphasizing “fiancé” like it’s the most precious word ever to
impart from her lips.
Making myself decent again, I follow her
sweet words and crawl in next to her. Tucking my arm underneath her
head, caressing the sides of her cheeks.
“You’re beautiful.” I kiss her forehead and
lean my cheek against it. Resting alongside her, pressing my warmth
against her hospital gown clad body. Her head nuzzles its way to
her favorite place, my chest, and I hold her close. Inhaling her
strawberry scent. My face pressed into the curls of her hair.
I don’t know how I will survive without this
closeness every day. You never realize how much you need or want
something until you have it. Or it’s threatened to be taken from
you. That’s what I realized the day she hemorrhaged at the beach
house on the deck. After the whole ordeal at the hospital with me
donating my blood for them to use on her, I’ve donated three more
times since then. Just in case when she goes into have the babies,
she bleeds out again. They wanted to make sure they had enough
blood stores for her. And I’ve been more than willing to donate as
much as they need. Whatever she needs, I will provide. Blood,
money, even my life if it ever comes to that.
When she was wheeled into this hospital room,
after they told me she’d live, I knew I couldn’t go another day
without at least getting a ring on her finger. What I really wanted
to do was marry her as soon as she woke up. To make her mine
forever. Not only by love or before god, but according to the
government too. If we were married maybe they wouldn’t be calling
me to come in. If we were married already, they would have to take
her into consideration and provide for her when I’m gone. But we’re
not. And I regret that more now than I have the past weeks that I
lie in bed with her and wish that she wasn’t Emily Bronwyn but
Emily James. I can’t change that now. Even though every part of me
wishes I could.
I remember the day her mom showed up to the
hospital and I told her about my plan. She’d never even known about
Emily and my relationship. Nobody had. Which I was willing to
allow, for her. To make her comfortable in a very sticky and
complicated situation with Johnathan. Did I want to shout it from
the rooftops that I found the woman I want to spend the rest of my
life with? Hell yes I did, and still do. But Emily’s never wanted
to parade around and throw it in Johnathan’s face. She’s too kind
for that. So when I told Emily’s mom I wanted to buy an engagement
ring, she was thrilled. I didn’t want Emily thinking I didn’t
include her family. So her mom, Stacy and I, all went and perused
the nicest jewelry shops in Malibu, until I found the perfect ring
for her. Even Claire found it mesmerizing, when I sent her a photo
text of it. But what nobody knows is, that expensive ring on her
finger is a part of a set. Three pieces all matching. Engagement
and two weddings bands, one for her and the other is mine. I have
them in a little red velvet bag tucked into my wallet for safe
keeping. And with the way things are looking, I will be storing
them there, maybe indefinitely. And I can’t reiterate enough, how
much that thought makes my heart ache.
Gazing down, I twirl her hair haphazardly
with my fingers and rub the babies with my other hand. Her body is
lax against mine. Telling me without me having to look at her face
that she’s asleep in my arms. Mama Bear’s favorite place might be
laying on my chest. But my favorite place is having her here. And
as much as I hate to do this. I have to get up and make some calls.
I can’t leave her, not without a serious damn fight. Come hell or
high water, I’m going to work to stay around to take care of her
and help raise