Stranger in the Mirror [Shades of Heaven] (Soul Change Novel) Read Online Free Page B

classroom. And I made good money at it.”
    He shook his head almost imperceptibly. She looked away. Why did he put her on edge just sitting there beside her? They remained silent for a while, static electricity between them. Her past was nothing to be proud of, and she didn’t want to share it with anyone, particularly Jesse.
    All the times she and Joya went out dancing, flirting… oh, be honest with yourself, picking up men, that’s what you were doing. The day after, on the phone with Joya, they’d talk about how great or how lousy their man had been in bed. Only Hallie had lied most of the time, varying the details so Joya wouldn’t pick up on the fiction of her bedroom tales.
    Like an addict, she craved the validation men’s attention gave her. Having sex was something she couldn’t do, so she invariably ended up picking a fight and stalking out in a huff before ever getting to the bedroom.
    She let out a soft sigh and sank down on the bench again, focusing on the wood grain on the post. “I can see so much more about myself and my life from a distance. Almost like Hallie DiBarto is someone else. She pushed Jamie. Tested him. Because she didn’t feel she deserved him, or anything nice. She pushed him past his limits so he’d leave her like she was sure he was going to eventually.”
    “Why’d you feel that way?”
    “It’s how I was raised to see myself. Maybe it was how my mother was raised, too, to put all her value in her looks. When I hit my teens, I suspect she felt threatened by a daughter who got the attention she no longer did. I don’t think she did it on purpose, but she made me feel insignificant and ugly … inside.”
    Wait. Where had that come from? She’d never had the clarity to see the truth, but now it seemed so obvious.
    She shot to her feet, her hand over her mouth. “I was becoming like her. Oh, God, I was.” She pictured the woman desperately clinging to the only attributes she thought she had—her sexuality. The makeup and skin-tight, low cut clothing … the same kind of clothes Hallie had worn. “You’re right. Dying was probably the best thing to ever happen to me.”
    Now some other woman was having to deal with her mother. But the new Hallie wouldn’t have the childhood scars she had borne, scars that still marked her soul. Or the memories of a mother who negated every compliment Hallie got, even as a child.
    That woman’s obviously blind. Look at your mess of hair.
    The only reason he said that is ‘cause he wants to get in your pants.
    Men’ll tell you anything …
    Can’t believe a word they say …
    After a while, Hallie started doing what her mother did, eschewing compliments or viewing them with jaded eyes.
    She dropped back down again. “You think I’m crazier by the minute, don’t you?”
    “Well, we started out pretty high on the scale already.”
    “I suppose we did.” She laughed, trying to see this from his point of view. It was a wonder that he hadn’t trotted her off to a mental hospital. Yet.
    He rocked the bench, assessing her as though he were considering just that. He actually looked kind of cute, when he wasn’t irritating her.
    She decided to change the subject. “I can’t believe my name is really Marti May. At first I thought it was some cutesy nickname.”
    “That’s your maiden name. We joked about how funny it was, you going from Marti May to Marti May West.”
    She raised an eyebrow. “And that makes you Jesse West?”
    He bowed. “Jesse James West, if you please. My brother’s Billy the kid. And my sister’s Calamity Jane West, although my parents didn’t want to actually name her Calamity, so they shortened it to Caty.”
    Marti forced a smile. “Well, it sounds as if your parents had a sense of humor, anyway.”
    “My pa was obsessed with old westerns. You’re not going to want me to call you Hallie now, are you? I couldn’t get used to that.”
    “No, it’ll make things easier if I adopt Marti’s name.” Her breath