playing with yourself until you come into a dirty sock. Am I right?"
Beneath the patchy beard Robbie's cheeks glowed red, and he looked like an animal caught in headlights. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, staring at his beer. "I didn't mean anything by it."
"Yeah. Here's a tip: if you have to destroy a woman's self esteem before she'll sleep with her you're doing life wrong, and you'll keep dating your right hand until you stop treating us like idiots. Now, I'm waiting for my boyfriend to arrive," she lied, waving her phone in the air as if it was some sort of proof she had a connection to other humans. "He should be here any minute, soooo..." She left the word hanging in the air.
"No, I get it, I get it," Robbie said, holding up his hands. "It's no big deal, I'll go back to my table. It was... ummm, it was nice to meet you. Sorry to bother you."
Sophia cringed as Robbie slid out of the booth. She knew she'd probably been a little too cruel, but worse than that she'd lied about having a boyfriend . Now she had to worry not only about escaping unseen from Ryan, but also the embarrassment of leaving alone before this imaginary lover arrived. You're really swinging for the fences today, aren't you?
She returned to her phone and stared at the screen as Robbie slunk back to his seat by the pool table, trying to distract herself with the random status updates of the half-friends and vague acquaintances that filled her feed.
TGIF, bitcheeeees! This one's gonna be off the hook!
Ugh, summer jobs suck the most. Remember when summers used to be fun?
Boracay is awesome! Guys, the Philippines is just the most beeeeautiful place in the world! Shout out to my Filipina home girl Malari!
Sophia clicked 'like' on the last update, wishing the button would somehow teleport her across the world to somewhere warm, sunny and simple. She'd give her right arm to be relaxing on a beach a thousand miles from anyone who knew her, with nothing on her mind apart from the warm sun and a cool drink.
She clicked through to the attached photos, sighed, and spent a blissful few minutes imagining herself just out of frame: island hopping on little sail boats; zip lining through the treetops; driving a quad bike along dusty tracks, kicking up a trail that carried all her worries far away.
As she tapped the screen to return to her feed she noticed she was struggling a little to focus on the words. She could make them all out just fine if she stared at each one in turn, but it seemed as if something in her brain had just gone... kinda fuzzy? It was hard to line the words up in a row, as if the first was slipping out of her mind before she reached the end of a sentence.
OK, now you're really drunk, she realized You gotta get home to bed. She'd already had about five or six bottles before Remy had brought her the last one. That must have pushed her over the... Wait, was his name really Remy? That doesn't sound right. Robbie? Ronnie? Captain Blond Beard? Jesus, how drunk are you, girl? He introduced himself like five minutes ago.
The table in front of her began to swim in and out of focus. The sides of the booth seemed to be moving in and out like the walls of a breathing lung, and she barely noticed as her phone slipped out of a hand that didn't feel as if it belonged to her. She felt as if she was no longer in her body. Everything kinda tingled, and she almost laughed out loud at the idea that her spirit was pulling out of her body like she might pull off a pair of gloves, one finger at a time. I never knew being drunk felt like this.
Suddenly there was an arm beneath her, like a comfortable cushion she could lay down on and close her eyes. The voice in her ear was muffled and distant, but it sounded soothing. She could just rest here a moment. It was OK. People would take care of her.
She felt herself being lifted gently out of the seat. Her eyes felt heavy and she didn't really want to keep them