Shy Read Online Free Page A

must overcome...
    But when Mom rips into me, I feel all is lost and to even try is hopeless, pointless. Why bother?
    I cry harder but still manage to stay silent. I don't want Dad to feel bad. It comforts me that he loves and accepts me for who I am.
    But he's not good enough in Mom's eyes, either. And he, too, has suffered because of his shyness. He has the perfect job for a shy guy. He's a computer nerd, a technical person, brilliant at what he does. But he's so shy, he can't play classical guitar for anyone outside family. And I have seen the pain on his face when Mom confronts him with his shortcomings, just the way I'm sure he sees the pain on mine when she does it to me. If only Dad and I could emigrate to our water world and live with people who are like us, a world where our gentle qualities would be assets, not liabilities.
    If only. If only.
    If I only dream, I can never do.
    I have to live in this world, like it or not.
    “Thanks, Dad,” I manage to say. “I just couldn't do what she wanted, but then what's new? But I have to make my own choices. Being in a sorority would make me miserable.”
    “I know it would,” he soothes. “I would never have been in a fraternity for any amount of money. I couldn't have stood up to that kind of schedule, where you have to be always on, always socializing. It isn't the kind of thing I've ever wanted or needed. For me, it would be a burden.”
    Yes. A burden. He gets it. I nod against his shoulder. “I wish Mom could understand. For both of our sakes.”
    “I wish she could, too, honey,” Dad says.

###
    After Dad goes back into his study, I call Jake. I want to hang around him for a while. He always makes me feel better, even though I can't figure him out. Sometimes, in a strange way, it hurts to spend time with him. But there's something that keeps drawing us to each other. My senior year, we dated, and oh, my God, did we sizzle together. I still remember our heated kissing and necking, our almost-but-not-quite-doing-it sessions. We had it bad for each other. He made me absolutely weak-kneed with desire. Honestly, he still does. I seemed to have the same effect on him, too.
    But then, as the end of my senior year got closer and closer, he pulled away. I noticed that it happened around the time Boston Conservatory offered me the scholarship. He really thought I'd go. We had a talk about the future and he told me he really thought we needed to slow down, that I had a promising future and he didn't want to hold me back. During my senior year, he'd already been out of high school for one year, and he never showed any interest in going to college. He always told me college was a waste of time for someone like him, who knew exactly what he wanted to do—play bluegrass—and the only way he could be a bluegrass player was to get gigs and play shows.
    I never thought he ruthlessly dumped me or anything—you'd have to know Jake to understand. We still love each other, and we always will. But Mom doesn't like him, and while he's only a year older than me, sometimes I feel as if he's about ten years older. He has a protective streak and wants to make sure I fulfill my potential, but unlike Mom, he thinks I can do it as exactly the person I am. He wants to give me freedom to do that. Though our breakup hurt, I appreciated his attitude and I kind of assumed we'd get back together romantically at some point.
    We haven't, though. Not yet. Honestly, I don't understand that.
    But he's my best friend and he's there for me, no matter what. That, I do understand.
    “Wildflower.” His deep voice reaches my ear and I squeeze the phone fondly. “How did it go?”
    “Not well. Mom was pretty mad.”
    “I'm sorry.”
    The warmth in his deep voice makes me cry again. Only, I do it quietly so he can't hear me. But he knows anyway, I'm sure.
    “It isn't right, your mom's attitude toward you,” he says, an edge to his voice. “What did she say?”
    “That I'm doomed to be a failure in