School of Meanies Read Online Free Page A

trouble.”
    “All right,” I said. “My name is Humphrey, by the way. Humphrey Bump.”
    “I can see why they call you Bump,” the girl said, glancing at the two bruised boys. “My name is Amelia. I have to run now, or I’ll be late for math.”
    When I arrived home I found the girl ghosties baking cakes in the kitchen. Wither floated above the stove reading a spooky cookbook.
    “You look happy,” Tabitha said.
    “I had a good day at Still-Alive School,” I said, dumping my satchel on the kitchen table.
    “Rather a short good day,” Wither said, checking the time on his pocket watch. “School begins at nine o’clock sharp. It is barely a minute after ten.”
    “At least he went,” Agatha said. “Humphrey, tell us what happened.”
    “I made friends with a still-alive girl,” I said, grabbing a handful of cherries.
    Wither frowned. “But the still-alive children are meanies.”
    “Not once you get to know them.”
    “You should float to school again this afternoon,” Tabitha said, “before your new friend forgets who you are.”
    “I’ll do that,” I said, and I did.
    The trouble was, when I arrived at Still-Alive School there were so many children in the playground I thought I’d never find her.
    “Amelia?” I yelled. “Is anyone friends with Amelia?”

    Wherever I floated, children yelled mean things and ran away.
    I’d almost given up when a familiar voice called out from a group of girl still-alives. I smiled a smile as big as a slice of raspberry pie. “Amelia!”
    “Humphrey,” Amelia said, glancing round at her fleeing friends, “I can’t be friends with you. I’m sorry.”

    “Oh,” I said, trying not to blub. “Well, I just thought you might like to share this chocolate bar. It’s ghost chocolate, so you won’t be able to eat it, but—”
    “This is why we can’t be friends,” Amelia said. “You’re a ghost, and I’m still alive.”
    “I wish I was still alive too,” I said, and I wisped off.

10
    Eggs, Bacon, and Porridge
    “I may be round,” I muttered as I rolled out of bed the next morning, “but I’m no quitter.”
    Charlie passed his head through the bedroom door. “Talking to yourself, Humphrey Bump?”
    “Knock before you pass through,” I said. “It’s the polite thing to do, and I might be getting dressed.”
    “I tried knocking,” Charlie said, “but it’s rather a thin door and my knuckles passed through the wood.”
    At breakfast, the grown-up ghosties asked me about my new friend.
    “Is she pretty?” Charlie said, prying the lid from the marmalade jar.
    Wither cracked the shell of a boiled egg. “Charlie, for one so polite, you possess frightfully poor manners.”
    “Is she charming?” Pamela asked as she buttered the ghostly toast.
    “Oh, and is she a nerd?” Agatha said. “I mean, is she clever?”
    I didn’t say anything.
    “At least tell us your new girlfriend’s name,” Agatha said, and she blew the steam from her porridge.
    “Her name is Amelia,” I mumbled into my bacon and eggs, “but she isn’t my—”
    “Just good friends,” Tabitha said with a wink.
    “That wasn’t what I meant. When I talked to Amelia in the playground yesterday afternoon, she said she can’t be friends with a ghosty.”
    “Oh, the meanness!” cried Wither, and he dunked toast into his egg yolk.
    “Let’s face it,” Charlie said, “Still-Alive School just isn’t ready for a phantom pupil.”
    The grown-up ghosties peered at me over their plates and bowls, and I felt like wisping away to my room and hiding under the bed.
    Then Charlie lifted his hat from the table, flicked a crumb from the brim, and placed the hat on his head. “Except that Humphrey isn’t a quitter. Isn’t that right, Humphrey?”
    I thought back to how brave I’d felt earlier that morning, when I rolled out of bed. “It’s time I packed my satchel,” I said, and I floated out to the hall.
    “Good on you, Humphrey,” Tabitha said.

    “What about your