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reminder that I took that kind of abuse for years and she and Georgia just refuse to acknowledge it.”
                  “You live in your parents’ old house, right?”
                  “Yes. Mom’s in a nursing home. I visit her from time to time. She refuses to see to me. Calls me a cold, heartless, bitch.”
                  James winced as I said these things.
                  “Okay.”
                  “Okay what?”
                  “I’m dumping it.”
                  “The alcohol.”
                  “Knowing what I do now, what you did on that bridge is even more remarkable. Knowing that you’re willing to walk a risky road with me is amazing.”
                  “No. You choosing me. You choosing to fight. You choosing life. That’s amazing.”
                  “You…oh you. I’m going to make it my mission for each morning that you wake up you don’t ask yourself the question do I want to fight. That you say to yourself it may be hard but life is worth living.”
                  He took my hand and kissed it.
                  Then started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot.
                  I didn’t ask where we were going. I didn’t have to. I was ready to accept his invitation into his life. Whatever that meant. Wherever it led. I was in. Even though I was scared it didn’t matter. I knew James would do everything in his power to be that soft place to fall.
                  “What’s going on in that head of yours?” he asked.
                  “Just thinking. Where are we going?”
                  “My thinking place. It’s where I go when the booze ain’t working. The women won’t have me and I need to get away from the world.”
                  “You live a pretty isolated existence as it is.”
                  “This is different. You’ll see.” He paused then continued. “Not too isolated.”
                  I smiled and blushed.
                  The rest of the trip was made in silence. My mind running in a million different directions, going so fast that it was difficult to grasp how wonderful this might really be.
                  Soon the city faded in the distance and were on the outskirts of town. I checked my phone for the time. I had to take meds before I went to bed. Keeping my HIV in check was key to allowing myself any real sense of joy or happiness.
                  The landscape was hilly and snowy with trees dotting the way.
                  There was a stark beauty to everything. Something that made me forget the flash of danger and allowed me to be enveloped by James’ rugged power. There was a still waters run deep quality to him that was undeniable. It was the same thing that had drawn me to him for the last few months.
                  How many times had we shut the coffee shop down with our talks?
                  About politics?
                  About art?
                  About film?
                  About war and the nature of life and death? Of how it could be breathtaking and beautiful in one moment but cruel and capricious the next?
                  He may not have understood why I walked out onto that bridge but I did. His life had value. With rare exception all manner of life had intrinsic value. Even those whom had treated me like an emotional punching bag.
                  Although James wished to torture them I knew there was no point. Life was handing them their just desserts. Though Kevin was at death’s door he continued to live his life indiscriminately.
                  James on the other hand had been at death’s door and when shown the light he came to it. I had opened my