Sarah Simpson's Rules for Living Read Online Free Page A
Author: Rebecca Rupp
other day.
THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY, FRIDAY THE 13 TH
1. Emily Harris had a premonition of disaster. Then she twisted her ankle getting off the school bus.
2. Ryan Matthews forgot his math homework.
3. Jason Dobbs lost his hand-stitched artificial leather wallet, which contained two dollar bills, five collectible baseball cards, and a photograph of his dead cocker spaniel.
4. Ronnie Pincus stepped on an egg.
5. Katie Costello was bitten by a hamster.
6. Horaceâs fountain pen leaked all over his pants.
Three months from today is my birthday. I was born on Friday the 13 th . Sally says that goes to show that 13 is really the luckiest number there is, but history is not on her side.
Just because something is irrational doesnât mean it isnât real.
MARCH 16
Today we discussed puberty in health class.
Emily Harris is looking forward to puberty. I am not.
BAD THINGS ABOUT GETTING OLDER
1. More responsibility.
2. Algebra.
3. Embarrassing zits.
4. Embarrassing underwear.
5. Embarrassing school dances.
6. Having to buy adult tickets at the movies.
7. Being asked on dates.
8. Not being asked on dates.
Sally says that responsibility is empowering, zits can be controlled by healthy eating habits, underwear can be very cute, and dates and dances can be fun. She says algebra and the adult ticket thing suck.
MARCH 18
Sally and I used to play a game in which weâd try to decide who people we knew would be if they were characters in books. Like in
Winnie-the-Pooh,
Sally would be Kanga, because she gets fussy and motherly and gives everybody vitamin pills, and I would be Eeyore, because Iâm gloomy and donât have any friends, though Sally says Iâm more like Piglet, who is very likable but who worries too much.
I always thought my father would be Tigger because he was always bouncy and fun and energetic and full of things to do. But now I think heâs more like Edmund, the selfish brother in
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe,
the one who didnât care what happened to anybody else as long as he got lots of enchanted Turkish delight.
My father said he was going to come visit, but now heâs not going to after all.
He says Kim needs him. I donât understand why Kim has to need him right now. Heâs there with her all the time.
If somebody were to drag me off to the Underworld, Iâd stay there and never come back, no matter how much they mooched around up above crying over me. But I wouldnât get trapped by a handful of stupid pomegranate seeds. Iâd ask for a coconut-almond-fudge sundae.
MARCH 26
Everybody is mad at me for telling the truth.
THINGS I TOLD THE TRUTH ABOUT
1. Georgeâs mother.
2. Marriage.
3. What Andrea really looks like in her red pants.
I told George that his mother was not a star. Dead people get buried in the ground, where they rot and turn into dust, and you never see them again, ever.
I told Sally that her life was a lie because she and my father had promised to love and cherish each other as long as they both lived and they didnât.
I told Andrea that those red pants make her rear end look really, really huge.
Everybody hates me. But I think people should face facts and tell the truth and not go around being hypocrites all the time.
APRIL 4
The Underworld is behind the upright piano.
Horace and I are spending a lot of time there because the second grade has gotten involved in the play. They are doing a snowflake dance while Demeter mopes around about me going to hell and makes everything winter. All the snowflakes wear white sweatshirts and boings with cut-out paper snowflakes that bobble around when they dance. They look like a lot of short albino beetles.
Horace says his parents lie too. When he was four, he found Bubbles, his goldfish, floating upside down in his bowl. His parents told him that Bubbles was asleep.
Later Horace found out that they flushed Bubbles down the toilet.
Andrea has given her red
THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY, FRIDAY THE 13 TH
1. Emily Harris had a premonition of disaster. Then she twisted her ankle getting off the school bus.
2. Ryan Matthews forgot his math homework.
3. Jason Dobbs lost his hand-stitched artificial leather wallet, which contained two dollar bills, five collectible baseball cards, and a photograph of his dead cocker spaniel.
4. Ronnie Pincus stepped on an egg.
5. Katie Costello was bitten by a hamster.
6. Horaceâs fountain pen leaked all over his pants.
Three months from today is my birthday. I was born on Friday the 13 th . Sally says that goes to show that 13 is really the luckiest number there is, but history is not on her side.
Just because something is irrational doesnât mean it isnât real.
MARCH 16
Today we discussed puberty in health class.
Emily Harris is looking forward to puberty. I am not.
BAD THINGS ABOUT GETTING OLDER
1. More responsibility.
2. Algebra.
3. Embarrassing zits.
4. Embarrassing underwear.
5. Embarrassing school dances.
6. Having to buy adult tickets at the movies.
7. Being asked on dates.
8. Not being asked on dates.
Sally says that responsibility is empowering, zits can be controlled by healthy eating habits, underwear can be very cute, and dates and dances can be fun. She says algebra and the adult ticket thing suck.
MARCH 18
Sally and I used to play a game in which weâd try to decide who people we knew would be if they were characters in books. Like in
Winnie-the-Pooh,
Sally would be Kanga, because she gets fussy and motherly and gives everybody vitamin pills, and I would be Eeyore, because Iâm gloomy and donât have any friends, though Sally says Iâm more like Piglet, who is very likable but who worries too much.
I always thought my father would be Tigger because he was always bouncy and fun and energetic and full of things to do. But now I think heâs more like Edmund, the selfish brother in
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe,
the one who didnât care what happened to anybody else as long as he got lots of enchanted Turkish delight.
My father said he was going to come visit, but now heâs not going to after all.
He says Kim needs him. I donât understand why Kim has to need him right now. Heâs there with her all the time.
If somebody were to drag me off to the Underworld, Iâd stay there and never come back, no matter how much they mooched around up above crying over me. But I wouldnât get trapped by a handful of stupid pomegranate seeds. Iâd ask for a coconut-almond-fudge sundae.
MARCH 26
Everybody is mad at me for telling the truth.
THINGS I TOLD THE TRUTH ABOUT
1. Georgeâs mother.
2. Marriage.
3. What Andrea really looks like in her red pants.
I told George that his mother was not a star. Dead people get buried in the ground, where they rot and turn into dust, and you never see them again, ever.
I told Sally that her life was a lie because she and my father had promised to love and cherish each other as long as they both lived and they didnât.
I told Andrea that those red pants make her rear end look really, really huge.
Everybody hates me. But I think people should face facts and tell the truth and not go around being hypocrites all the time.
APRIL 4
The Underworld is behind the upright piano.
Horace and I are spending a lot of time there because the second grade has gotten involved in the play. They are doing a snowflake dance while Demeter mopes around about me going to hell and makes everything winter. All the snowflakes wear white sweatshirts and boings with cut-out paper snowflakes that bobble around when they dance. They look like a lot of short albino beetles.
Horace says his parents lie too. When he was four, he found Bubbles, his goldfish, floating upside down in his bowl. His parents told him that Bubbles was asleep.
Later Horace found out that they flushed Bubbles down the toilet.
Andrea has given her red
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